Celebrate Chinese New Year with Asian Supremacy!

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A Femdom Chinese New Years with An Li, Damiana Chi, Lucy Khan, and Jezebel Chi!

Chinese New Year is coming up in February, and what better way to ring in the Lunar New Year than by submitting to some of your favorite Asian Mistresses? A Chinese New Year without a Chinese Dominatrix is no CNY indeed. 😉

I’m excited to announce my participation in the Chinese New Year 2019 celebrations at the Chi Temple play party this year on February 2nd! I was part of the celebrations in 2016 and had a complete blast. Something about being with my kind of ladies – powerful Asian Dominatrices who subvert our exotified Tiger Mom stereotypes – feels incredibly in sync.

CNY 2019 is the year of the earth pig – so what better reason than to be humbled as our pig? It’s kismet! How could you possibly refuse?

Damiana Chi and Lucy Khan are our gracious co-hosts for the party this year, hosting two separate parties on February 1st and February 2nd. Each party will feature three Mistresses and six subs only. The setup is such to ensure that every slave will be privileged to have 20-25 minutes of guaranteed one-on-one play with every Mistress.

Sound right up your alley? Have you been itching for a serious play party of hardcore BDSM? Then read on for details and application info:

February 1st, 2019
Asian Dominas: Damiana Chi, Jezebel Chi, and Lucy Khan

February 2nd
Asian Dominas: Damiana Chi, Lucy Khan, and An Li (me, of course!)

Please note that this will not be a social party and is better suited for the true BDSM and fetish participant rather than the observer. All participants are expected to be present for all three hours.

I will be accepting well-vetted applicants for February 2nd. Please use my contact form to submit your polite triple session festivities inquiry. As of this time, most of the February 2nd dates have been sold already so the last spot will only be for a very lucky bitch! Tickets have gone extraordinarily fast, and I expect this party to be fully sold out by the end of this week.

Regarding well-vetted applicants: this means subs that have served any of us before or can provide recent references from other well-established Pro-Dommes. Please do not forget to include this information in your contact form as it is necessary.

Excited? I am as well! I can’t wait to see and meet you on February 2nd. 😉

Book your triple session now.


On handjobs.

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Let’s make this short and sweet: I don’t do them.



Please note that my personal preferences are not everybody else’s. A Mistress can and will do as she pleases, and I am all the more happy to support any Mistress in how she chooses to demonstrate her domination over men. These are my own personal preferences and I do not speak for all Pro-Dommes out there.

I am clarifying this because you may have seen me do them in my videos. Yes, I do them in my videos. However, remember: it’s porn. It’s a fantasy, and it’s not real (for you, at least). Just because you watch your favorite pornstar fuck on film does not mean they are going to fuck you, nor does that entail that they are necessarily for hire to do said fucking. I highly suggest taking a close reading of someone’s interests and hard limits before running under the assumption that these activities are on the menu just because you’ve seen it on camera. I enjoy many of the activities I do on camera with new subs, however hand jobs are never one of them.

Yes, the hand jobs I do on film are real, and they are only with one person – my slave boyfriend. I am only interested in doing these direct activities with partners, and I enjoy shooting videos of us doing these activities because 1. I’m an exhibitionist, and 2. because I like showing you what you can’t have but wish you could.

With that in mind, consider all the directly normative sexual activities I do on camera as a long-distance cuckolding for you – a free humiliation service. Lucky you! I am not interested in touching your cock like that, and it will never happen for you.

You can, however, continue watching my clips and enjoying them from afar. Perhaps you don’t enjoy the prospect of being in the cuck position. Sure, it’s not everybody’s cup of tea. Then imagine yourself in my slave’s scenario, imagine me jerking you off and edging your cock with my hands, imagine me up close and personal in the most sexual, female led relationship sort of way, and also remember: it will never happen.

I hope that clarifies things for all you confused horndogs out there! And if this has ruined your fantasy, well then honey, someone was bound to tell you that porn wasn’t real at some point. 😉


Impersonators, Scammers, and General Tomfoolery

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I’ve received yet another message today about how someone fell for a scammer.

A profile imitating me on yet another adult/kinky dating site had lured $500 for a deposit scam out of the hapless man under the pretense of real-life play. He’s upset about it, of course, and told me that I should do more to “protect my good name”.

This is not new. I receive messages from men getting burnt on deposit scams from fake profiles of me every week, and messages about copycat profiles on social media and dating apps every single day. This is not an exaggeration.

I’ve had a rash of impersonators in the past year. Why? I have no fucking idea. All I do know is that a couple of them are extremely persistent, and I am able to recognize repeat offenders by the style of the username they choose and how they speak. Some of them have gone so far as to make 30+ repeat accounts of me on various sites, even after I’ve taken down their profiles over and over and over again.

I do my best to take down the profiles as I receive notice of them, but sometimes it is actually impossible as some of the sites require me to give them verification that I can’t or am unwilling to provide, or sometimes the help section of a site or app is entirely unresponsive. Furthermore, I am taking down accounts left and right on a weekly basis. This has become damn near a full time job – and mind you, I already have a full time job.

So here’s the thing: I don’t expect this to ever stop. People will continue messaging me about new profiles, I will do my best to take them down, and the people who do this for a living will keep on making new profiles because there is no true recourse for them catfishing other people as me.

Ultimately, I am writing this post so that I can easily send it to each new person who messages me saying that they got burned on yet another deposit scam. For one, it absolves me of any responsibility of these men’s losses. For another, it is intended to educate others on how to not fall for these scams.

And if, after reading all of this, you still fall for yet another deposit scam…well then, the onus easily falls on you. Not me, not the scammer – you.

I just want to make this very clear: I don’t like the existence of these scammers. The consequence is that Pro-Dommes like me, who actually love what we do, find it harder to take deposits from people who would have ordinarily done so because they fell for scammers before. And here’s the thing: deposits are industry standards (at least in major US cities) because of the high rate of timewasters and flakes. If I don’t receive a deposit from you, the likelihood is pretty much guaranteed that we will never play.

When you, as a potential sub, become jaded that you gave money to the wrong person and no longer want to do so with anyone else, your likelihood of playing with legitimate Dominatrices diminishes. As Pro-Dommes, our time is valuable and we expect that to be respected since we have other subs who can and will take your place. And perhaps, in time, you will continue becoming more and more jaded of Femdom because you start playing with inexperienced Dommes who don’t know how to handle their business with professionalism, which leads to a greater suspicion of Femdom. It’s a vicious cycle.

I do not want anyone to become suspicious about playing with Pro-Dommes. Most of us genuinely love what we do and want the entire process to be streamlined and easy so that we can get to the playing faster. Scammers make subs more reticent to send deposits, and that ultimately makes it more difficult for me to play with those subs. It is not my job to sway you that I am the real thing. I won’t do it as it simply isn’t worth my time, and you then won’t play with me. And who knows? We probably would have had an incredible time together.

With that diatribe out of the way, let’s get to the educational listicle portion of this post.



How to Spot a Scammer

  1. Does it seem like it’s too good to be true? It probably is.
    Remember those emails from African princes about wire transfers to receive their fortune? Did you ever fall for those? Do you still fall for those?
    If not, then why would you fall for someone reaching out to you for something that seems a little too good to be true? Which leads me to the second point…
  2. Did “she” reach out to you first? Remember, Professional Domination is a business of sorts (hence…”Professional”). Businesses like mine largely do not cold call potential subs asking for money. For one, we are too busy with sessions, videos, or touring to be flat-out messaging everyone. For another, subs are expected to approach Pro-Dommes, and not the other way around.
    If she really is as successful as she says she is, why would she waste her time looking for subs when she already has the acclaim to bring subs to her?
    Unless she is looking for something in specific within her lifestyle (for example, I’m active on kinky dating apps because I like having many cleaning slaves), do not expect an established Domme to ever be the first one to reach out to you asking you to pay her.
    Furthermore, if my primary advertising strategy was reaching out to every person who expresses a desire to be a slave in their dating profile, that wouldn’t be a very effective strategy, now would it? I could spend literal years messaging everybody who seemed to have a submissive itch in their bone and that still wouldn’t cover every single person. You work for me, not me working for you.
  3. Does “she” speak in syntax that doesn’t seem to be cohesive? For example, does she speak extremely formally in one email and then extremely casually in another? Is her grammar impeccable in one message but then she doesn’t punctuate at all in another?
    This is a classic tip-off that she is copy-pasting from other websites to take on the verbiage of their D/s.
    A helpful tip for this would be to say what she writes out loud. Does it sound like it’s all coming from the same person?
    If it doesn’t sound cohesive, try Googling the more formal-sounding things she says. Chances are that you’ll find she ripped it off someone else’s website.
  4. Does “she” have a legitimate website and social media presence? Pretty much all contemporary and active Pro-Dommes will have both since they are the industry standard. Check to see if her website is professional, and check to see how many followers her social media has. If she says she’s famous (for example, sends you videos of herself), she should have a fairly respectable social media following. Expect followers in the thousands and an active interaction on her Twitter or Instagram. On Twitter, expect her to be chatting with other legitimate Pro-Dommes.
    For social media, expect her to have activity that spans for as long as she says she has been active for.
  5. Are “her” pictures hi-res or are they pixelized? Pixelized pictures are a classic case of someone screencapping a legitimate Mistress’ profile to steal the photo. Why would someone screenshot their own photos when they should already have copies on their computer or phone?
  6. Have you reverse Google image searched “her” photos? You can also use reverse Bing image search for more adult photos. If the photos line up with who she says she is, go to her website and learn more about her to be sure that it’s the right person.
    If you don’t know what I am talking about, here are some helpful links from Google and Bing. The internet also has loads of wider-encompassing reverse image searches such as this one.
    Once you reverse image search her, it will be easy enough to see if the name she is presenting herself as is her actual name. If it’s a name that doesn’t line up with those photos, then you know she’s a fake. If it is a name that lines up with who she says she is, it should be easy enough to google her name and find her website.
    I CANNOT EMPHASIZE THIS TACTIC ENOUGH. Reverse image searching is your FRIEND. Do it on all of her images. Do it on everybody. (And on a less pedantic note, it’s fun to reverse image search people because sometimes you find more fun photos of them…)
  7. Is “her” name spelled correctly? Jesus christ. I can’t believe I have to say this one, but I have had messages from people who thought they were actually talking to me, but had my name entirely incorrect. My name is An Li, not Ann Li, not Jennifer, not Anli…
  8. Does “she” speak with poor grammar? Again, a friendly reminder here that Professional Domination is a business, and all good businesses will choose to speak with good grammar, spelling, and punctuation. (And especially if she’s asking money from you, expect her to be businesslike about it.)
    When you send an email to any other business, do you expect them to respond to you casually, with misspellings, glaring grammatical errors, and no punctuation whatsoever? No – you expect them to be professional and concise. Expect the same out of any Mistress who takes her own craft with respect.
    The only exception for this would be non-native English speakers, but if you’re reading this, you probably speak English fluently and are seeking an English-speaking Domme. And in any case, if she sounds like she’s not fluent in English, that probably entails that she doesn’t live in your English-speaking country…so why the hell would you think she would come all the way over from her country to dominate you?? Please refer to point #1 of this list.
  9. Does “she” ask you to use Western Union? COME ON! Always be wary of someone you don’t know who asks you to use Western Union. Craigslist literally has warnings about this on their site. “African princes” always ask for Western Union. Western Union is the standard for scammers.
    WU typically asks for the recipient’s full legal name, something of which most Pro-Dommes do not reveal to first-time subs.
    The same goes for Moneygram or wire transfers.
    (Please note that I have used Western Union for deposits a couple of times for sessions, however it is usually the last option after all other deposit options have been exhausted and eliminated.)
  10. Does “her” Western Union or Moneygram address line up with the city “she” is supposed to be in?
    Say that for some reason, this Mistress can only use these two options. (I have used these services on rare occasion.) Why would you send a deposit to someone in, say, Virginia, when she lives in LA? If she says she’s on tour in that city, does her website and social media tour schedule line up with that?
    I’m going to say that 99 times out of 100, the Mistress you are supposedly talking to does not have an assistant in a city outside of hers to receive your deposit, either. If she has done so much work to reach out to you and get your money, why would she hire an assistant  to receive the money?? She’s obviously working so hard for that deposit that she probably wouldn’t have the money to hire an assistant, anyway…
  11. Is “she” chatting with you for free? Because LOL, Pro-Dommes typically do not chat with subs for free unless they are looking for someone for their lifestyle interests, have some commonality with you like mutual friends, know you in real life, are responding to something genuinely useful that you have notified them of, or are chastising you for being an annoying online sub.
    Paying a deposit for a session afterwards does not count as paying for a chat. It means you are paying for that session following the chat. When I say chatting, I mean dirty talk like calling you her slave, telling you what she’ll do to you, and overall giving you a boner via words and pictures without you initially respectfully asking to pay her for her time.
    The reason why established Pro-Dommes do not chat for free is because we are constantly inundated by men who want our attention and want to know “what we’ll do to them”. Remember, our time is money. Why would we throw free dirty talk at every horny fuck that comes our way? If I did that, I would not have enough time to play for myself or lead a normal life. Furthermore, dirty talk is free play. Yes, dirty talking is play – and the likelihood is extremely high that you, a complete total internet stranger, are not special enough for the privilege of that free play.
    I personally keep all my initial correspondences with new subs as to-the-point as possible. You would let me know your interests, and I would let you know if we were compatible, quickly followed by session details. Any messages I send are for setting up the terms of the actual playdate, and anything else that may be more than that would be held via my tributed call and text message lines.
    I know it is difficult, but don’t let your erection give you the benefit of the doubt. A restaurant isn’t going to comp your appetizer just because they like you, nor will a Pro-Domme chat with you for free.
    I specifically say “established” when talking about this point because I have personally made the mistake of chatting with people as a very green novice. I quickly learned that my time was money and that I didn’t have enough time to seduce every random stranger on the internet that wanted my attention.
  12. Does “she” have a social media account that is not the same as “her” primary one? This is assuming that you know her primary account. Email or message the primary account confirming if that other account is her. More times than not, it is not her.
    Some women have back-up accounts (like me) or private accounts just for paying viewers. A primary account will usually link to said accounts to validate their legitimacy.


And that’s pretty much it! If anybody has any feedback on this list, I would love to hear it (from both Pro and prospective sub sides). Please note that this list may not account for every legitimate Domme in the world. I’ve tried to make it as lenient as possible, but of course, some people do things differently than me. If so, it is on you, the paying sub, to do further research to legitimize that person. I would suggest doing a quick phone call or Skype session to see if they are real. Yes, you would still be putting some money down, but it would be significantly less than the $600 (or whatever amount) they are asking for.

As a general whole, I would highly hazard against paying someone who has a minimal internet footprint as that is usually a tip-off for someone being illegitimate. A legitimate Pro-Domme spends time on her online advertising and should be easily found. (Older Dommes who have a longtime following are an exception to the online advertising rule…however, an older Domme probably wouldn’t be reaching out to you in the first place because she already has her stable of slaves.)

Finally, a lot of Dommes do reach out to slaves on social media – but typically not to fish them as clients. I am on nearly every single kinky dating app and have personally reached out to people, but only because their profile genuinely struck me in a special sort of way (human furniture boy in San Francisco, I’m looking at you!). I’ve also met and dated many subs on dating apps, but since they are in my personal life and not within a professional session, I do not ask for money. And if I have reached out to someone about an actual playtime (which is usually just a link to my session contact form), it is because they have already expressed interest in booking a session – so really, I’ve never been the one to initially reach out.



In any case, I’ve spent far too much time writing this and feel like I have personally exhausted this topic at large. I hope you’ve found this post helpful. Keep these key points in mind when chatting to someone who wants your money. And if you’ve read this and have still been had, then shame on you for letting your arousal get the best of you! You should know better by now.



Has this list turned you on because you have a rather unconventional fetish for admonishing lists? Trust me, darling, I can be far more punctilious in person. 😉

Book your session now.

xoxo Never yours,
An Li

Europe Summer 2018: London, Amsterdam, Bruges

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Los Angeles Asian Dominatrix An Li with her slave in leather restraints bondage. Visiting Europe summer 2018!

Hello subbies, slaves, and sluts in Europe (and elsewhere)!

A little bit late updating on my end, but I’m quite excited about my upcoming Europe tour this summer! I’ll be visiting London, Amsterdam, and Bruges. Some of it is play, some of it is vacation, but I’m certain I’ll be having loads of fun.

I’m sure you’re eager to know when I’ll be in Europe, so here you go:
London: July 24th to July 27th
Amsterdam: July 30th to August 4th
Bruges: August 4th to August 7th

As some of you may recall, I visited London in 2016 for a whole month and had a blast! I shot with English Mansion, danced at Torture Garden, went to LAM, and made friends with all sorts of ministers in the community, from Pro-Dommes to lifestylers to everything else in between. I love London because the BDSM scene is particularly vibrant – where else can you find a four story church filled with fetish wares once a month? Outside of that, I adore London as a city. With all its parks, museums, and history, it’s the perfect balance of metropolitan life. I actually contemplated moving there after my last month there…Needless to say, I’m back and excited to do it all over again. This time, I will be attending Pedestal on July 26th, visiting the Tate Modern (contemporary art museums are my favorite) as well as the Wellcome collection, and of course hobnobbing with all the finest Pro-Dommes London has to offer. I’ll also be shooting with English Mansion yet again – I loved shooting with them last time, so fingers crossed the weather lets up for an equestrian scene of some sort!

After London, I will be taking some personal time off while I visit friends in Southwest England visiting beaches and hiking. While this is private time, I may be open to a cash meetup or two. Entice me.

Amsterdam will definitely be a bit more of a vacation after the whirlwind of London. I fully intend to immerse myself in more museums and will probably spend most of the time wandering the canals and relaxing. Of course, I will be taking a long visit to Demask headquarters! How could I not?

Finally, Bruges in Belgium will wind down the last bit of my trip. I’ve been told it’s a quieter city, which is perfectly fine by me as I am fully expecting to be exhausted by the end of my trip. I’ll be relaxing and enjoying the sights, maybe keeping a boy tied up in bondage in the hotel room while I do tourist things. 😉

I’ve been itching to leave the country for a bit, and a good mix of BDSM and European sightseeing will be a great balance. And of course, I will be taking sessions in all of these cities. Dream of being tied up in immobilized bondage in my living room while I go on a shopping trip on your credit card? Itching for a hard caning that will leave your bum sore for weeks to come? Jerk off to the fantasy of my ass on your face? Want to be cuckolded and humiliated while I fuck a real man? Crave that early morning caviar that only a Mistress like me could offer? All of this and more could be you…

Of course, early bookings are always prioritized. The earlier, the better – once I’m packed, I’m packed, and I will not be able to accommodate specific outfit or gear requests outside what I am already bringing. I will not be taking same day bookings at all while I am in town. Deposits required.

My next trip to Europe is not confirmed, however expect me back by 2020.

Book your session now.

xoxo Never yours,
An Li

DC/NYC travels – Mistress An Li returns to the East Coast for spring 2018!

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Hello slaves, submissives, and sluts!

It’s been nearly a whole year since I’ve been back to the East Coast. Have you missed me? I will be making my usual rounds to Washington D.C. and New York City, and my travel dates are as follows:

Washington D.C.____April 12th to April to April 17th
New York City____April 18th to April 22nd

For DC, I will likely be taking my sessions at a private incall location in or around Dupont Circle (location is not booked yet and will be finalized in these coming weeks). For NYC, I will be taking sessions at my beloved Parthenon/Rubber Studio or La Maison du Rouge (as well as tentatively a couple other playspaces in Manhattan). I adore the dungeons in NYC and only play in the best!

My DC trip is always fully booked, so be sure to book in advance. In particular, my full toilet training sessions get filled up quickly (and I only have one a day), so if that is your fancy, be sure to schedule in advance.

I’m excited to return to NYC. The city has such a thriving BDSM community, and I am excited to powwow with all my beloved Dominatrix friends while in town! Hanging out with other Mistresses and talking shop is probably my favorite part about visiting New York. Doubles will be available while I’m in NYC as there are so many friends I adore and want to subjugate men with!

As usual, deposits required. Use my website contact form to submit your polite inquiry ahead of the rush (and be thorough if you want to have some thorough fun ;)). The earlier booked, the better – I will not be able to accommodate specific fetishes or attire requests once I’m on the plane!

Remember: I only visit DC/NYC once to twice a year. Don’t live a life of regret once I’m gone.

Book your session now.

xoxo Never yours,
An Li
PS: I’ve been getting a lot of session requests for Chicago. If you’d like me to add this city (or your city within the US) into my regular travels, booking a 5h session or generously sponsoring my flight, lodging, and accommodations on top of my travel tribute will get me there.

Can I be your slave? AKA the various types of bottoms in BDSM

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TLDR: No, and also, you probably aren’t actually a slave.

(Before you get too excited about the title, this is not a blog post about derrieres.)

Here’s the set of recent tweets that inspired this post:

And here’s the long-winded explanation. Are you ready? Ok, here we go!

As a professional Dominatrix with a not-that-small following, I get asked this question every. Single. Day. I’ve decided to embark on this blog post largely so that I can direct fawning would-be/could-be subbies to an answer that I do not need to repeatedly type over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again…you get the idea.

I think most people have an idea of what a slave is within BDSM, correct? We imagine a naked bitch on his knees, crawling around on the floor on leash and collar while being led around by a delightfully dominant women in patent leather thigh high boots and a corset, perhaps being whipped or perhaps cleaning her boots with some humiliating tongue service. Maybe he only drinks water out of a dog bowl, or maybe he’s all tied up in bondage while the Mistress has her way with his body. The variations are endless, but ultimately the basic premise is this: a submissive man enacts kinky fantasy ideals with the hot Domme who is way out of his league.

Sounds great, right? What a wonderful idea for a slave! You get to do all these perverse, nasty, kinky things with a Woman you might not otherwise be sexually affiliated with, enacting out all your deepest, darkest, dirtiest secrets!

However, while the Domme may be calling you a slave in the scene, this does not necessarily mean you are a slave.

Confused already? Let’s back up a minute and go over the various designations of bottoms with BDSM.

First off, I am defining bottom as someone on the receiving end of the fetish activity, be it bondage (rope bottom), spanking (spankee), Dominance/submission (submissive or slave), sadomasochism (masochist), feeding (feedee), humiliation (bitch – I’m joking, I don’t actually know the official name of one who gets humiliated) and the list goes on and on. Not all bottoms are slaves, but all slaves are bottoms. More on that in a bit. Bottom would then be the wide umbrella category for those recipients of the activity or object, whereas the direct opposite would be a top – the facilitator of said activity or object. Rope top for bondage, spanko for spanking, Dom(me) for Dominance/submission, sadist for sadomasochism, feeder for feeding, humiliatrix for humiliation, etc.

As you are beginning to see, there are innumerable types of bottoms within BDSM and also probably more growing every day! (If you can think of it as a fetish, it probably already exists…) However, it’s crucially important to understand that there is a difference between all these categorizations. Just because I am a Dominatrix and Mistress does NOT mean that every person I play with is a slave. In fact, far from it – I would argue that the vast majority of my clients are not slave-material.

“But he likes to get beat/tied-up/fucked! Surely he must be a slave.” Not necessarily so. Perhaps he purely enjoys the adrenaline rush of pain but micro-manages the top to beat him precisely how he wants to to be beaten. Is that Dominance and submission? (This is a masochist.) Maybe he loves the sensation of being fully suspended in shibari but doesn’t really care who ties him up. (This is a rope bottom.) Or what if he just really enjoys seeing the image of women in strap-on and loves being taken from behind but doesn’t really like being told what to do? (This is a fetishist, and also a slut, ha!) Are any of these scenarios actually D/s? Just because they contain a fetish activity does not mean that there is an actual power exchange in the intent. In actuality, the bottom is the one directing the action in order to fulfill a specific fetish.

Do you see yourself in any of these? Do you find yourself trying to top from the bottom in order to fulfill a very specific fantasy of yours? Do you not care about who is doing said activity as long as they are hot and you have an ass/nylons/cock/feet/(your specific fetish here) in your face? Then the likelihood is extremely high that you are not actually a submissive nor slave.

But what if you find yourself wanting to obey under very specific situations? For example, you find yourself absolutely weak at the knees when you see a fit woman in workout gear and will do practically anything she says. As another example, you put on a sensory deprivation hood and immediately fall under subspace, pliable and willing to do whatever it takes to please the one controlling your vision. And yet another example, you automatically obey anyone who takes on a stern-yet-nurturing Mommy-type role with you. And as a final example, during sex, you always let the woman take control.

In all these situations of obeisance under specific criteria, I would then define you as a submissive (perhaps with fetishistic/masochistic/whatever leanings). You are willing to submit to the right person at the right time with the correct environmental or social impetus, an impetus that is defined purely by your personal preferences. For the first example, the impetus is workout gear. For the second example, the impetus is sensory deprivation/bondage. For the third example, the impetus is a Mommy. For the fourth example, the impetus is sex (and your dumb boner).

Are you starting to get a feel for where I’m headed? No? Ok.

Here’s where we get into the nitty gritty of how I personally define the difference between a submissive and slave. A true slave exists a little further down on the spectrum of submission. A true slave does not need any impetus outside of the pure joy of serving a Mistress. Sure, you may be submissive, but if your submission comes with conditions – conditions that are not conducive towards me or whichever Mistress from which you are requesting attention – then is that truly a Total Power Exchange (TPE)? A mistress cannot be expected to live out her entire life under your conditions just to have your submission. You cannot expect to see her dressed up in fetish gear and enacting your specific fantasy 24/7 just so you can feel all lightheaded and woozy in desire – because once she’s no longer a figment of your fantasy, would you serve her? Would you be willing to do “whatever she wants” when she’s in her sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt sitting on the couch watching cartoons? Would you be willing to do “whatever she wants” when what she’s asking for does not align with your idea of a sexy fun time, like scrubbing the bathroom tile with a toothbrush? And would you be willing to do “whatever she wants” even if you know you have to actually work hard and dedicate actual time (like – gasp! – a job!) to do it?

If your answer to all those previous questions is yes, then congratulations! You are a slave. You are submissive under your Mistress’ personal specifications, even if they don’t give you a boner. You understand that the Mistress has a life of her own that does not exist within your specific fantasies, and you still adore and obey her nonetheless. You are happy to submit to her even when the going gets rough because you know your happiness is truly your Mistress’ happiness. You are far and few, and I enjoy you quite a bit.

A caveat: a person can be submissive to one Mistress and slave to another. D/s is not a one-size-fits-all experience. Everybody’s personal interactions are unique and different throughout time and space. Maybe you’ve found a Mistress (Let’s call her Miss A) whose personal fetishes – the things she is naturally predisposed to in her private life – are truly your personal fetishes and you are a match made in BDSM heaven. Say it’s foot worship – you’ve always needed foot worship to feel submissive, and Miss A genuinely gets off on a good foot rub. In which case, you might be the ideal slave for her! After all, she always has your impetus at hand (or foot 😉 ), and to her, she’s not catering to you at all but rather fulfilling her own fantasies. Both party’s desires are perfectly compatible and conducive towards a blossoming power dynamic. But say you approach another Mistress (Miss B) and tell her that you served Miss A. Miss B takes you on, but it turns out she absolutely hates foot worship and finds you a reprehensible slave because you insist on worshiping her feet each time. Turns out that you have always been on the more submissive side, but with the right relationship with Miss A, you were a slave. Go figure!

Now I’m not telling you to go out and be a slave for every Mistress. Far from it. Attraction and respect are important, and if you were a slave for every woman you met on the street, I would probably call you a pushover with poor standards 😂😂😂 An inherent attraction and connection to your Mistress is important because it develops rapport and trust – and only through that can true growth happen. (And you do want true growth, right? Did you expect to be the same person you were at the end of a D/s relationship?) It’s perfectly alright to not be a slave for everyone, and I won’t think any of less of you for it. Different strokes for different folks, after all.

Additionally, despite being a true slave, you are also allowed to have boundaries (…depending on who your top is). I mean, we do live in reality, and for most, 24/7 slavery is a pipe dream because at some point we’ve all got vanilla obligations. Only when your “boundaries” are actually defining factors for how the scene runs (IE: asking your Mistress to be in leather at all times is not a boundary but a preference) do you stop falling under the category of a slave. Make sense?

Another caveat: these designations are not hard and fast because we are all (for the most part) multi-faceted people. A slave can also be a fetishist , a power bottom can have submissive leanings, etc. You get the idea.

In fact, if by the end of this, you realize that you are not a slave, that is totally fine as well! BDSM should be inclusionary and we all have different niches that we fill – there will always be someone whose needs may align well with yours, be they slave, submissive, power bottom, fetishist, masochist, whatever. I personally hold no ill will to anybody who doesn’t identify as a slave, because sometimes I don’t feel like being purely a Dominant (I know, gasp gasp – but don’t get it twisted, I am always a top). Everybody goes to fetish providers for various reasons, neither being particularly better than the other, but it is helpful to know where you stand within the wide spectrum of BDSM designations so that you may better inform the Dominatrix with whom you’d like to play.

So what did we learn today?

Not all submissives are slaves. All slaves are submissives. All slaves and submissives are bottoms. Slaves are those who will submit to their Dominant in full (or as full as reality lets them), regardless of whether it gets their personal rocks off or not. Submissives are those that have criteria towards what makes them feel submissive to their dominant.

Got it. Good. Now that you’ve got that all settled up, you’ll be fully prepared to answer your designation should anyone ask this of you! (And if you are applying for a session with me, it’s right there in the form, so shame on you if you are still lost after reading this…)

Did something about this article pique your interest? Want to learn more about me?

Book your session now.

xoxo Never yours,
An Li

Now introducing…domination specials for practice dummies!

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I know, I know. I have always said that domination is a luxury and that I will never do special rates for anybody or any activity. I still believe it, however…there are always activities I would love more practice on!

Given that my personal practice interests tend to be on the heavier side of things, I don’t get as much play and practice with these activities as I would like and am now offering specials to be my test dummies for a couple of specific activities. These activities are currently single-tail whippingsuturing (medical play), and rope suspension bondage. From month to month, I may change up which activities are available for practice dummy rates depending on my mood or comfort with these activities.

So here’s what you probably want to know the most: how much of a discount is it? These sessions will be a whopping $100 off the hourly tribute (which, if you have sessioned with me, you will know is quite a significant price difference).

Here are the requirements to fall under test dummy session:

  1. The session must consist solely of the single activity you have requested. This means it will be entirely single-tail whipping, or entirely suturing, or entirely rope suspension bondage. There will be no variant or multiples upon these activities (ie: I will not do a session of both whipping or suturing, or whipping and rope suspension, etc.)
  2. The session does not involve any other fetish activities or requests. Anything additional will fall in the realm of standard session, and therefore, tributed like a standard session.
  3. The session is a one-hour minimum session.

A caveat: since these are purely practice dummy sessions, I will not be dressing up in fancy domination gear as this is my own personal practice time. It will just be me, wonderfully plain ol’ me in street clothes and my devious self. And also, to reiterate: I will not be accepting any requests for fetishes outside of the prescribed test dummy activities as the session will immediately become normally tributed.

Since these are heavier sessions, please ensure that you are in good health before enquiring about these specific activities. Should you safeword out of practice dummy-ing, the session will end at my discretion. I have no intention of wasting my time by  going lightly (particularly with single-tailing).

Here are some more details on what I’m looking for in practice dummy applicants:

  • Single-tail whipping: high pain tolerance (or the willingness to reach that 😉 ), no previous issues with fainting or epilepsy, ability to take marks on back, ass, and genitalia
  • Suturing: high pain tolerance for needles, ability to take sutures on genitalia/crotch region, chest/belly, and although not necessarily, would love to be able to suture your lips! If you are open to suturing in even more areas (hands, toes, whatever), even better. I will be removing the sutures at the end. Obviously, no fear of needles…
  • Rope suspension bondage: flexible with no joint or mobility issues. Please stretch thoroughly before coming to see me.

I may be referring to videos, my phone, or books for guidance during these practice dummy specials. This is, after all, a practice session. I am merely using your body for my suitable purposes. What this should also alert to you is that again, this is not a standard session. I will not be seducing you or engaging with you in any way outside of what is necessary within my practice. It will be informal, and we may chat a bit. Again, I reiterate that this is not a standard session.

That’s it for now! Should I think of anything else to add on to my requirements or limitations, I will be editing this post at a later date. Standard booking procedure applies.

Sounds like this is up your alley? Well then, I’m looking forward to using your flesh…

Book your session now.

xoxo Never yours,
An Li

Documentary now live in my gallery!

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Hey sluts! I know I’ve teased you with this on social media earlier this year, and the wait is over! I have finally uploaded the interview and mini-documentary I shot with slave g earlier this spring – “Bruised ft. Mistress An Li by Marcus Hessenberg” is now live on my gallery page. Take a look and let me know what you think! The password is FEMDOM.

I absolutely loved shooting this video and adore how it came out! Marcus did a really lovely job of capturing slave g’s adoration as well as showing one very devoted slave’s take on Female Supremacy. You can almost see the rose-tinted glasses… I thought it was quite refreshing to see the submissive’s side of things – after all, we seem to always get things from the Mistress’ side, which is sexy but never the entire picture. Getting a look from the bottom’s perspective can be rather educational, particularly for those who have wandered onto my website of hedonism by “accident” and are confused as to why someone would engage in such sordid activities. 😂

slave g is an extremely experienced submissive and has been in the lifestyle far longer than I have been playing, and he has a truly wonderful way of phrasing his love for BDSM and female domination that just warms the cockles of my heart. We’ve shot loads of scenes together, and I use him as my personal whipping post in my off-hours. I love playing with him and am pleased to give all of you a nice behind-the-scenes peek at our informal interactions. Just goes to show you that, despite the (delightfully) horrific things that I (happily) inflict upon men, these interactions are always a consensual two-way street. 😉

Also, the classical music in the background makes my perverse nature kind of…sweet and romantic, doesn’t it?

Shot by Marcus Hessenberg at my beloved home base, Ivy Manor, in DTLA.


Thanksgiving doubles with Domina Yuki in SF/OAK

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I’m excited to announce doubles with Domina Yuki in San Francisco and Oakland from November 21st to 26th for my upcoming fall trip to the Bay Area!

I first met Domina Yuki earlier this year, after a seemingly endless amount of correspondence while we tried to meet up each time I was in the Bay Area. I’m glad we finally did as we had been following each other on Twitter and admiring each other’s work for quite some time. Upon meeting, we both realized we had a very shared history in numerous ways…but that is a story for another time.

For those not in the know, Domina Yuki is a well-established presence in the Bay Area Femdom scene, having been a practitioner of Female Domination for a decade. Her skillset is vast and confident, and I’m excited to play with her as our interests are remarkably similar! We are both sensory overload gearheads with predilections for bondage of all sorts and a natural proclivity towards sadism. We both attest to the merits of female supremacy. We both have wicked wardrobes. And of course, we both love subjugating men under our heels through whatever means necessary! I cannot wait to see what sorts of predicaments we trap our slaves with – and I am certain we will be giggling in delight the entire time.

For those lucky to have played with both of us, now is your chance to partake in a devilishly doubles delight. Our interests are not limited to those listed above – from a sensual seduction to a strict savagery, part of the fun in Domination is our protean manipulation to bring you down to a quivering mess. Tell us your secrets, and we’ll show you how deep that rabbithole goes…

Book your session now.

xoxo Never yours,
An Li

Holiday travels back to the Bay Area

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Quick travel update!

I’m sad to say that I will not be making it over to the East Coast for my usual Washington DC and New York City ventures. This year has been hectic in terms of traveling, and I’m taking a bit of a break to enjoy my time in Los Angeles. I miss this city more and more each time I leave! Besides, I’m certain all my regulars are rejoicing at me finally being back for an extended period of time. 😉

I will be returning back to San Francisco/Oakland/Bay Area multiple times over the course of the next few months, starting with November 20-27th for Thanksgiving. As per usual, I will be taking sessions at a variety of dungeons in San Francisco and Oakland. I will be returning again around the winter holidays at the end of December, and then yet again for Chinese New Year. These latter two dates are still to be decided. As these will all be during holiday and family time, expect the typical holiday dates to be blocked out and book in advance to ensure your playtime during these busy seasons.

Outside of that, DomCon NOLA was wonderful! I ate food, slapped bitches, endured a semi-hurricane, received my first plaque for Guest of Honor, did some witchy witchy things, and ate more food. The city itself was beautiful and I absolutely loved hanging out with all my awesome Domme friends and making new ones in the process. I can’t wait for my next return – and also for more po’boys! Here are some pics:



Don’t forget: Mistress Servalan is returning on the 16th!

Book your session now.

xoxo Never yours,
An Li