I’ve received yet another message today about how someone fell for a scammer.
A profile imitating me on yet another adult/kinky dating site had lured $500 for a deposit scam out of the hapless man under the pretense of real-life play. He’s upset about it, of course, and told me that I should do more to “protect my good name”.
This is not new. I receive messages from men getting burnt on deposit scams from fake profiles of me every week, and messages about copycat profiles on social media and dating apps every single day. This is not an exaggeration.
I’ve had a rash of impersonators in the past year. Why? I have no fucking idea. All I do know is that a couple of them are extremely persistent, and I am able to recognize repeat offenders by the style of the username they choose and how they speak. Some of them have gone so far as to make 30+ repeat accounts of me on various sites, even after I’ve taken down their profiles over and over and over again.
I do my best to take down the profiles as I receive notice of them, but sometimes it is actually impossible as some of the sites require me to give them verification that I can’t or am unwilling to provide, or sometimes the help section of a site or app is entirely unresponsive. Furthermore, I am taking down accounts left and right on a weekly basis. This has become damn near a full time job – and mind you, I already have a full time job.
So here’s the thing: I don’t expect this to ever stop. People will continue messaging me about new profiles, I will do my best to take them down, and the people who do this for a living will keep on making new profiles because there is no true recourse for them catfishing other people as me.
Ultimately, I am writing this post so that I can easily send it to each new person who messages me saying that they got burned on yet another deposit scam. For one, it absolves me of any responsibility of these men’s losses. For another, it is intended to educate others on how to not fall for these scams.
And if, after reading all of this, you still fall for yet another deposit scam…well then, the onus easily falls on you. Not me, not the scammer – you.
I just want to make this very clear: I don’t like the existence of these scammers. The consequence is that Pro-Dommes like me, who actually love what we do, find it harder to take deposits from people who would have ordinarily done so because they fell for scammers before. And here’s the thing: deposits are industry standards (at least in major US cities) because of the high rate of timewasters and flakes. If I don’t receive a deposit from you, the likelihood is pretty much guaranteed that we will never play.
When you, as a potential sub, become jaded that you gave money to the wrong person and no longer want to do so with anyone else, your likelihood of playing with legitimate Dominatrices diminishes. As Pro-Dommes, our time is valuable and we expect that to be respected since we have other subs who can and will take your place. And perhaps, in time, you will continue becoming more and more jaded of Femdom because you start playing with inexperienced Dommes who don’t know how to handle their business with professionalism, which leads to a greater suspicion of Femdom. It’s a vicious cycle.
I do not want anyone to become suspicious about playing with Pro-Dommes. Most of us genuinely love what we do and want the entire process to be streamlined and easy so that we can get to the playing faster. Scammers make subs more reticent to send deposits, and that ultimately makes it more difficult for me to play with those subs. It is not my job to sway you that I am the real thing. I won’t do it as it simply isn’t worth my time, and you then won’t play with me. And who knows? We probably would have had an incredible time together.
With that diatribe out of the way, let’s get to the educational listicle portion of this post.
How to Spot a Scammer
- Does it seem like it’s too good to be true? It probably is.
Remember those emails from African princes about wire transfers to receive their fortune? Did you ever fall for those? Do you still fall for those?
If not, then why would you fall for someone reaching out to you for something that seems a little too good to be true? Which leads me to the second point… - Did “she” reach out to you first? Remember, Professional Domination is a business of sorts (hence…”Professional”). Businesses like mine largely do not cold call potential subs asking for money. For one, we are too busy with sessions, videos, or touring to be flat-out messaging everyone. For another, subs are expected to approach Pro-Dommes, and not the other way around.
If she really is as successful as she says she is, why would she waste her time looking for subs when she already has the acclaim to bring subs to her?
Unless she is looking for something in specific within her lifestyle (for example, I’m active on kinky dating apps because I like having many cleaning slaves), do not expect an established Domme to ever be the first one to reach out to you asking you to pay her.
Furthermore, if my primary advertising strategy was reaching out to every person who expresses a desire to be a slave in their dating profile, that wouldn’t be a very effective strategy, now would it? I could spend literal years messaging everybody who seemed to have a submissive itch in their bone and that still wouldn’t cover every single person. You work for me, not me working for you. - Does “she” speak in syntax that doesn’t seem to be cohesive? For example, does she speak extremely formally in one email and then extremely casually in another? Is her grammar impeccable in one message but then she doesn’t punctuate at all in another?
This is a classic tip-off that she is copy-pasting from other websites to take on the verbiage of their D/s.
A helpful tip for this would be to say what she writes out loud. Does it sound like it’s all coming from the same person?
If it doesn’t sound cohesive, try Googling the more formal-sounding things she says. Chances are that you’ll find she ripped it off someone else’s website. - Does “she” have a legitimate website and social media presence? Pretty much all contemporary and active Pro-Dommes will have both since they are the industry standard. Check to see if her website is professional, and check to see how many followers her social media has. If she says she’s famous (for example, sends you videos of herself), she should have a fairly respectable social media following. Expect followers in the thousands and an active interaction on her Twitter or Instagram. On Twitter, expect her to be chatting with other legitimate Pro-Dommes.
For social media, expect her to have activity that spans for as long as she says she has been active for. - Are “her” pictures hi-res or are they pixelized? Pixelized pictures are a classic case of someone screencapping a legitimate Mistress’ profile to steal the photo. Why would someone screenshot their own photos when they should already have copies on their computer or phone?
- Have you reverse Google image searched “her” photos? You can also use reverse Bing image search for more adult photos. If the photos line up with who she says she is, go to her website and learn more about her to be sure that it’s the right person.
If you don’t know what I am talking about, here are some helpful links from Google and Bing. The internet also has loads of wider-encompassing reverse image searches such as this one.
Once you reverse image search her, it will be easy enough to see if the name she is presenting herself as is her actual name. If it’s a name that doesn’t line up with those photos, then you know she’s a fake. If it is a name that lines up with who she says she is, it should be easy enough to google her name and find her website.
I CANNOT EMPHASIZE THIS TACTIC ENOUGH. Reverse image searching is your FRIEND. Do it on all of her images. Do it on everybody. (And on a less pedantic note, it’s fun to reverse image search people because sometimes you find more fun photos of them…) - Is “her” name spelled correctly? Jesus christ. I can’t believe I have to say this one, but I have had messages from people who thought they were actually talking to me, but had my name entirely incorrect. My name is An Li, not Ann Li, not Jennifer, not Anli…
- Does “she” speak with poor grammar? Again, a friendly reminder here that Professional Domination is a business, and all good businesses will choose to speak with good grammar, spelling, and punctuation. (And especially if she’s asking money from you, expect her to be businesslike about it.)
When you send an email to any other business, do you expect them to respond to you casually, with misspellings, glaring grammatical errors, and no punctuation whatsoever? No – you expect them to be professional and concise. Expect the same out of any Mistress who takes her own craft with respect.
The only exception for this would be non-native English speakers, but if you’re reading this, you probably speak English fluently and are seeking an English-speaking Domme. And in any case, if she sounds like she’s not fluent in English, that probably entails that she doesn’t live in your English-speaking country…so why the hell would you think she would come all the way over from her country to dominate you?? Please refer to point #1 of this list. - Does “she” ask you to use Western Union? COME ON! Always be wary of someone you don’t know who asks you to use Western Union. Craigslist literally has warnings about this on their site. “African princes” always ask for Western Union. Western Union is the standard for scammers.
WU typically asks for the recipient’s full legal name, something of which most Pro-Dommes do not reveal to first-time subs.
The same goes for Moneygram or wire transfers.
(Please note that I have used Western Union for deposits a couple of times for sessions, however it is usually the last option after all other deposit options have been exhausted and eliminated.) - Does “her” Western Union or Moneygram address line up with the city “she” is supposed to be in?
Say that for some reason, this Mistress can only use these two options. (I have used these services on rare occasion.) Why would you send a deposit to someone in, say, Virginia, when she lives in LA? If she says she’s on tour in that city, does her website and social media tour schedule line up with that?
I’m going to say that 99 times out of 100, the Mistress you are supposedly talking to does not have an assistant in a city outside of hers to receive your deposit, either. If she has done so much work to reach out to you and get your money, why would she hire an assistant to receive the money?? She’s obviously working so hard for that deposit that she probably wouldn’t have the money to hire an assistant, anyway… - Is “she” chatting with you for free? Because LOL, Pro-Dommes typically do not chat with subs for free unless they are looking for someone for their lifestyle interests, have some commonality with you like mutual friends, know you in real life, are responding to something genuinely useful that you have notified them of, or are chastising you for being an annoying online sub.
Paying a deposit for a session afterwards does not count as paying for a chat. It means you are paying for that session following the chat. When I say chatting, I mean dirty talk like calling you her slave, telling you what she’ll do to you, and overall giving you a boner via words and pictures without you initially respectfully asking to pay her for her time.
The reason why established Pro-Dommes do not chat for free is because we are constantly inundated by men who want our attention and want to know “what we’ll do to them”. Remember, our time is money. Why would we throw free dirty talk at every horny fuck that comes our way? If I did that, I would not have enough time to play for myself or lead a normal life. Furthermore, dirty talk is free play. Yes, dirty talking is play – and the likelihood is extremely high that you, a complete total internet stranger, are not special enough for the privilege of that free play.
I personally keep all my initial correspondences with new subs as to-the-point as possible. You would let me know your interests, and I would let you know if we were compatible, quickly followed by session details. Any messages I send are for setting up the terms of the actual playdate, and anything else that may be more than that would be held via my tributed call and text message lines.
I know it is difficult, but don’t let your erection give you the benefit of the doubt. A restaurant isn’t going to comp your appetizer just because they like you, nor will a Pro-Domme chat with you for free.
I specifically say “established” when talking about this point because I have personally made the mistake of chatting with people as a very green novice. I quickly learned that my time was money and that I didn’t have enough time to seduce every random stranger on the internet that wanted my attention. - Does “she” have a social media account that is not the same as “her” primary one? This is assuming that you know her primary account. Email or message the primary account confirming if that other account is her. More times than not, it is not her.
Some women have back-up accounts (like me) or private accounts just for paying viewers. A primary account will usually link to said accounts to validate their legitimacy.
And that’s pretty much it! If anybody has any feedback on this list, I would love to hear it (from both Pro and prospective sub sides). Please note that this list may not account for every legitimate Domme in the world. I’ve tried to make it as lenient as possible, but of course, some people do things differently than me. If so, it is on you, the paying sub, to do further research to legitimize that person. I would suggest doing a quick phone call or Skype session to see if they are real. Yes, you would still be putting some money down, but it would be significantly less than the $600 (or whatever amount) they are asking for.
As a general whole, I would highly hazard against paying someone who has a minimal internet footprint as that is usually a tip-off for someone being illegitimate. A legitimate Pro-Domme spends time on her online advertising and should be easily found. (Older Dommes who have a longtime following are an exception to the online advertising rule…however, an older Domme probably wouldn’t be reaching out to you in the first place because she already has her stable of slaves.)
Finally, a lot of Dommes do reach out to slaves on social media – but typically not to fish them as clients. I am on nearly every single kinky dating app and have personally reached out to people, but only because their profile genuinely struck me in a special sort of way (human furniture boy in San Francisco, I’m looking at you!). I’ve also met and dated many subs on dating apps, but since they are in my personal life and not within a professional session, I do not ask for money. And if I have reached out to someone about an actual playtime (which is usually just a link to my session contact form), it is because they have already expressed interest in booking a session – so really, I’ve never been the one to initially reach out.
In any case, I’ve spent far too much time writing this and feel like I have personally exhausted this topic at large. I hope you’ve found this post helpful. Keep these key points in mind when chatting to someone who wants your money. And if you’ve read this and have still been had, then shame on you for letting your arousal get the best of you! You should know better by now.
Has this list turned you on because you have a rather unconventional fetish for admonishing lists? Trust me, darling, I can be far more punctilious in person. 😉
An Li