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Things men want up their bums

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I had a highly entertaining NiteFlirt phone call yesterday.

When people call me telling me their fetish is unusual, I’m typically quite dismissive of it. I am a Dominatrix, after all. I do weird shit for a living. I’ve made a full circle in regards to what I find strange, and now find that the most vanilla things are the most bizarre, and the kinkiest things are of utmost normality. I’m not easily phased.

So he warned me that his predilections were…unusual, and of course, I didn’t believe him. He had a bit of a heavy accent, so I had some trouble understanding him initially. We both spoke very slowly while I tried to suss out exactly he was into. There were a lot of moments of me repeating what he said to make sure I heard correctly.

He told me he liked bondage.
I said, “Cool, bondage is one of my favorites.”
He told me he like forced bi.
I said, “Cool, I do that all the time.”
He said he was into food.
“Like sploshing?”, I asked.
“No, like feeding,” he said.
“What do you like to be fed?”
“Eggs.”
I had to double-check what I heard. “Eggs?”
“Yes, eggs.”
“Like hard-boiled eggs?”
“Yes, eggs.”
“What is it about eggs that you like so much?”
“They’re hard to eat.”

Yes, like these kinds of eggs. Eggs!

I laughed because I thought of all the times I ate a hard-boiled egg too quickly (I eat largely vegetarian at home and always have eggs on hand). The feeling of the pasty egg yolk caught in your throat while peristalsis stubbornly tries to push it down. The hiccups. That big lump in your esophagus. I could relate. Eating eggs can be quite difficult.

But more than that, he wanted to be force fed eggs, and he wanted eggs shoved up his asshole. He’d only taken four at a time up his bum before, but I told him I was certain he could take more. He wanted to eat both hard-boiled and raw eggs with the shell on while being fucked in the ass by a trans woman. He wanted to be tied up so he had no choice but to take…the eggs.

I told him he could probably do one better: first have eggs stuffed up his bum, then have the trans woman fuck the eggs deeper in while I hand fed him eggs into his mouth, then stuff more eggs up his bum while I forced even more eggs in his mouth, progressively filling up both holes more and more in this vicious cycle. And finally, the woman would cum inside his eggy mouth for the ultimate omelet (obviously).

It was all very nasty, very bizarre, and very…egg-shaped. I was laughing the whole time.

Eggs. Are they the most disgusting form of feeder/feedee fetish? Maybe? Probably? Definitely.

This entire interaction had me thinking about all the things dumb men shove up their assholes in moments of horny desperation. (In fact, Clips4Sale has an entire category dedicated to this phenomenon called “Odd Insertions”.) Of course, there are the obvious ones: carrots, eggplants, italian squash, cucumbers. But why stop at phallic shapes? Why not get creative? The world is truly your oyster (or perhaps your asshole is the oyster) when it comes to penetrating your own anus.

Why not Lego men if you’re feeling kinda gay? Toy trucks if you’ve got a pedal pushing fetish? A giant pacifier if you’re a slutty diaper lover? A tree branch if you want to be one with nature? A small broom if you need to clean the house? Or go classic with a knob of ginger for that fiery experience? They don’t call it a knob for nothing, you know.

And you know what? I’m 100% certain that some of you readers have tried some of these objects inside of yourselves before. Bravo to horny male ingenuity, brave stupidity, or something like that. Desires like these are exactly what allow Dominatrices to make thriving careers for ourselves. Keep on sticking things in your ass that don’t belong there and succumbing to the futility that is your male libido. It sure as hell makes good entertainment for us!

One of my good vanilla friends is an ER nurse. I’ve occasionally consulted him on medical procedures for personal and professional interests. We’ve joked that our jobs are practically the same thing – getting accidentally shat on, pissed on, bled on, and shoving all sorts of implements all across the human body. But most notably? He spends a lot of time taking random objects out of men’s assholes. As of this point, very few things phase him.

I should probably ask him if he’s ever removed a full egg out of someone’s ass before.

I’m not a nurse, but I do play one in the dungeon!

Hot strap-on/pegging picture from English Mansion last year! With Mistresses Sidonia Von Bork and Lola Ruin.

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Europe Summer 2018: London, Amsterdam, Bruges

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Los Angeles Asian Dominatrix An Li with her slave in leather restraints bondage. Visiting Europe summer 2018!

Hello subbies, slaves, and sluts in Europe (and elsewhere)!

A little bit late updating on my end, but I’m quite excited about my upcoming Europe tour this summer! I’ll be visiting London, Amsterdam, and Bruges. Some of it is play, some of it is vacation, but I’m certain I’ll be having loads of fun.

I’m sure you’re eager to know when I’ll be in Europe, so here you go:
London: July 24th to July 27th
Amsterdam: July 30th to August 4th
Bruges: August 4th to August 7th

As some of you may recall, I visited London in 2016 for a whole month and had a blast! I shot with English Mansion, danced at Torture Garden, went to LAM, and made friends with all sorts of ministers in the community, from Pro-Dommes to lifestylers to everything else in between. I love London because the BDSM scene is particularly vibrant – where else can you find a four story church filled with fetish wares once a month? Outside of that, I adore London as a city. With all its parks, museums, and history, it’s the perfect balance of metropolitan life. I actually contemplated moving there after my last month there…Needless to say, I’m back and excited to do it all over again. This time, I will be attending Pedestal on July 26th, visiting the Tate Modern (contemporary art museums are my favorite) as well as the Wellcome collection, and of course hobnobbing with all the finest Pro-Dommes London has to offer. I’ll also be shooting with English Mansion yet again – I loved shooting with them last time, so fingers crossed the weather lets up for an equestrian scene of some sort!

After London, I will be taking some personal time off while I visit friends in Southwest England visiting beaches and hiking. While this is private time, I may be open to a cash meetup or two. Entice me.

Amsterdam will definitely be a bit more of a vacation after the whirlwind of London. I fully intend to immerse myself in more museums and will probably spend most of the time wandering the canals and relaxing. Of course, I will be taking a long visit to Demask headquarters! How could I not?

Finally, Bruges in Belgium will wind down the last bit of my trip. I’ve been told it’s a quieter city, which is perfectly fine by me as I am fully expecting to be exhausted by the end of my trip. I’ll be relaxing and enjoying the sights, maybe keeping a boy tied up in bondage in the hotel room while I do tourist things. 😉

I’ve been itching to leave the country for a bit, and a good mix of BDSM and European sightseeing will be a great balance. And of course, I will be taking sessions in all of these cities. Dream of being tied up in immobilized bondage in my living room while I go on a shopping trip on your credit card? Itching for a hard caning that will leave your bum sore for weeks to come? Jerk off to the fantasy of my ass on your face? Want to be cuckolded and humiliated while I fuck a real man? Crave that early morning caviar that only a Mistress like me could offer? All of this and more could be you…

Of course, early bookings are always prioritized. The earlier, the better – once I’m packed, I’m packed, and I will not be able to accommodate specific outfit or gear requests outside what I am already bringing. I will not be taking same day bookings at all while I am in town. Deposits required.

My next trip to Europe is not confirmed, however expect me back by 2020.

Book your session now.

xoxo Never yours,
An Li