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Be better about public play

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You may have seen some kink-in-the-wild in your Twitter feed recently.

A photo went viral on Twitter yesterday of a ProDomme walking her human dog in a market. In the following tweets, she was described as “whipping” [sic] her human pup in the store.

Here’s a response article interviewing the Domme in question. I find this article a bit absurd (and not just because the writer calls a dungeon a “sex dungeon”). The article superficially discusses bystander consent and brings in the Domme’s perspective – that people are threatened when confronted with sexuality – and then proceeds to miss the entire point by wondering if those recording the two should have gotten the Domme/sub’s prior consent.

Here’s the thing: both D/s knew they were going to get attention by holding their public humiliation scene in a busy vanilla business; the exhibitionism was the point. Taking a viral photo of them was hence the zenith of that entire interaction, and positing about consent violations because of said photo is entirely redundant. The author, in trying to reverse the blame to the one sharing the photo, showed a poor understanding of what consent truly means here.

Sometimes there’s a thin line between people taking creep shots of someone who may stand out and people taking photos of an exhibitionist who wants their photos taken. This is not that thin line.

Now here’s the thing: I am all for public humiliation. I’ve also walked a human dog in public, played in front of vanilla bystanders, and have a bit of an exhibitionist streak myself. I am not kink shaming anybody, as somebody who regularly shits on men.

I am, however, disappointed in the lack of thought that went into this scene. Public play absolutely needs to be done in calculated ways. It’s one thing if it’s you and your slave in a private room. Do whatever the hell you two have consented to do. Go wild. Live out your deepest fantasies. But when you bring it out to public? Those acting out the scene need to be made aware that it is no longer just themselves in the scene. It’s now all the onlookers and bystanders.

Here are a couple of reasons why this scene had some consent violations and lack of foresight:

  • The scene took place in daytime at Erewhon, a popular and busy market in Los Angeles… AKA an all-ages vanilla store AKA a place where there could be children.
    In the article above, the Domme says “domination is something that shouldn’t be sexualized necessarily” – while this is true, it is still not a valid excuse to engage in these activities around underage people.
    What we do are adult activities, be that actions as innocuous as bootlicking or human furniture. These activities involve attraction, many of which are deeply rooted in our sexuality (whether or not they give us a boner). As BDSM professionals, we intrinsically understand that while sexuality can often be purely psychological with zero physical turn-on, it is still sexuality nonetheless. To argue that these activities shouldn’t always be sexualized is irrelevant to the point. We, as professionals, should not engage with or around minors in a scene, regardless of the content.
  • The scene involved corporal punishment. This is an absolute hard no with public play at all times. Domestic abuse is a real thing, and many people are triggered by it.
    Now listen, I am not the trigger-warning-police. I do a lot of reckless, violent shit that causes an immense amount of pain, and I say a lot of really fucked up, inconsiderate stuff that makes myself ashamed sometimes. Even I know that you shouldn’t beat someone in public. If you want a scene involving corporal punishment? Do it with consenting adult onlookers. Invite your friends over. Hire some other professionals. Don’t do this in public. This should be common sense.
  • The man is crawling around the ground in a professional establishment during COVID-19.
    First off, this is an inconvenience to those working here. It could impact how the employees handle the rest of their day: do they need to deep clean the floors afterwards? Will they need to make apologies to other customers? Will this affect who is on shift? Doing this scene in a business establishment where nobody has consented is inconsiderate. At best, the employees had a laugh. At worst, people’s livelihoods are at stake.
    Secondly, stores are already limited in the number of people allowed indoors due to the pandemic, and now this nice kinky couple have created more logistical issues by bringing their play into this establishment. The presence of a fully grown man on the floor affects the flow of customers in the building, and probably not in a productive way. Be respectful of the people working in an already very fraught economic climate.
    Finally, this is a market. Please act appropriately. I shouldn’t need to explain what appropriate behavior is as a goddamned Dominatrix who shits on men, but here we are. Would you allow your kids to do this in a supermarket? Then why would you as an adult do the same?
  • The location was a contained place that had zero audience consent. This is not a location that skews heavily towards people receptive to BDSM, and so I can guarantee you that many of the audience did not consent to this. Instead, these two chose an indoors location where people are trapped in the same place as them, making it difficult for those who didn’t consent to easily leave.

I’m not even going to go into how this is dangerous as a sex worker, because that’s not my business. Everybody can handle their own business with as much or as little risk as they want, and that’s on them.

I’m also not offended by the subject matter of the scene. People should be allowed to wear what they want, how they want, so long as it’s not hurting others (ie: no unconsensual nudity, hate crimes, etc.). I’ve walked fully slutted out crossdressers down the Hollywood strip at night and made gimps lick my boots in city streets while wearing full leather. Context is key here, however. Environment, location, and audience matter.

Would I be disappointed in this if it had happened in a sex store, the strip club, a dimly lit bar, or a deserted alleyway? Absolutely not. These are all locations that eliminate underage audiences, allow for consent to be asked (if not by context of the location then at least by tipping heavily), allow for a little bit of discretion and plausible deniability, and overall skew to a population that is a lot more accepting of these sorts of activities.

Hell, I wouldn’t even be mad at this if it were just the two of them calmly walking in the store, with him wearing a collar and her holding the leash while he quietly walked behind her (and there was no beating involved). Those limitations would make it innocuous enough where I would let it slide by. But it’s the combination of so many factors – the punishment, the crawling, the location, the timing – that make this entire scene poorly thought out.

And of course, this does no good to an already stigmatized community of sex workers and kinksters. This viral representation of Femdom contributes to a lack of understanding what we do as Professional Dominatrices. We should not engage in public scenes in this way because reckless play endangers everybody, from the active players in the scene to the bystanders, and finally to the ProDommes and kinksters who will now be typecast by someone’s ill-informed first impression. Unfortunately, many people may develop a distaste about Dominatrices now…though we were never going to sway their opinions either way.

Ultimately, I’m just another Dominatrix who gets more and more crotchety every year. You can do whatever the hell you want to do. Just know that what you do has an impact on those around you, especially when you choose to engage in a public sphere. This scene is no longer contained to just you and whomever you’re playing with. It is much more than that now. So please, for the love of Goddess, be more considerate about how you play in public.

Thanks!
– a crotchety Daddy

PS: Photo by Amikoland

Blog

Europe Summer 2018: London, Amsterdam, Bruges

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Los Angeles Asian Dominatrix An Li with her slave in leather restraints bondage. Visiting Europe summer 2018!

Hello subbies, slaves, and sluts in Europe (and elsewhere)!

A little bit late updating on my end, but I’m quite excited about my upcoming Europe tour this summer! I’ll be visiting London, Amsterdam, and Bruges. Some of it is play, some of it is vacation, but I’m certain I’ll be having loads of fun.

I’m sure you’re eager to know when I’ll be in Europe, so here you go:
London: July 24th to July 27th
Amsterdam: July 30th to August 4th
Bruges: August 4th to August 7th

As some of you may recall, I visited London in 2016 for a whole month and had a blast! I shot with English Mansion, danced at Torture Garden, went to LAM, and made friends with all sorts of ministers in the community, from Pro-Dommes to lifestylers to everything else in between. I love London because the BDSM scene is particularly vibrant – where else can you find a four story church filled with fetish wares once a month? Outside of that, I adore London as a city. With all its parks, museums, and history, it’s the perfect balance of metropolitan life. I actually contemplated moving there after my last month there…Needless to say, I’m back and excited to do it all over again. This time, I will be attending Pedestal on July 26th, visiting the Tate Modern (contemporary art museums are my favorite) as well as the Wellcome collection, and of course hobnobbing with all the finest Pro-Dommes London has to offer. I’ll also be shooting with English Mansion yet again – I loved shooting with them last time, so fingers crossed the weather lets up for an equestrian scene of some sort!

After London, I will be taking some personal time off while I visit friends in Southwest England visiting beaches and hiking. While this is private time, I may be open to a cash meetup or two. Entice me.

Amsterdam will definitely be a bit more of a vacation after the whirlwind of London. I fully intend to immerse myself in more museums and will probably spend most of the time wandering the canals and relaxing. Of course, I will be taking a long visit to Demask headquarters! How could I not?

Finally, Bruges in Belgium will wind down the last bit of my trip. I’ve been told it’s a quieter city, which is perfectly fine by me as I am fully expecting to be exhausted by the end of my trip. I’ll be relaxing and enjoying the sights, maybe keeping a boy tied up in bondage in the hotel room while I do tourist things. 😉

I’ve been itching to leave the country for a bit, and a good mix of BDSM and European sightseeing will be a great balance. And of course, I will be taking sessions in all of these cities. Dream of being tied up in immobilized bondage in my living room while I go on a shopping trip on your credit card? Itching for a hard caning that will leave your bum sore for weeks to come? Jerk off to the fantasy of my ass on your face? Want to be cuckolded and humiliated while I fuck a real man? Crave that early morning caviar that only a Mistress like me could offer? All of this and more could be you…

Of course, early bookings are always prioritized. The earlier, the better – once I’m packed, I’m packed, and I will not be able to accommodate specific outfit or gear requests outside what I am already bringing. I will not be taking same day bookings at all while I am in town. Deposits required.

My next trip to Europe is not confirmed, however expect me back by 2020.

Book your session now.

xoxo Never yours,
An Li
Blog

DC/NYC travels – Mistress An Li returns to the East Coast for spring 2018!

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Hello slaves, submissives, and sluts!

It’s been nearly a whole year since I’ve been back to the East Coast. Have you missed me? I will be making my usual rounds to Washington D.C. and New York City, and my travel dates are as follows:

Washington D.C.____April 12th to April to April 17th
New York City____April 18th to April 22nd

For DC, I will likely be taking my sessions at a private incall location in or around Dupont Circle (location is not booked yet and will be finalized in these coming weeks). For NYC, I will be taking sessions at my beloved Parthenon/Rubber Studio or La Maison du Rouge (as well as tentatively a couple other playspaces in Manhattan). I adore the dungeons in NYC and only play in the best!

My DC trip is always fully booked, so be sure to book in advance. In particular, my full toilet training sessions get filled up quickly (and I only have one a day), so if that is your fancy, be sure to schedule in advance.

I’m excited to return to NYC. The city has such a thriving BDSM community, and I am excited to powwow with all my beloved Dominatrix friends while in town! Hanging out with other Mistresses and talking shop is probably my favorite part about visiting New York. Doubles will be available while I’m in NYC as there are so many friends I adore and want to subjugate men with!

As usual, deposits required. Use my website contact form to submit your polite inquiry ahead of the rush (and be thorough if you want to have some thorough fun ;)). The earlier booked, the better – I will not be able to accommodate specific fetishes or attire requests once I’m on the plane!

Remember: I only visit DC/NYC once to twice a year. Don’t live a life of regret once I’m gone.

Book your session now.

xoxo Never yours,
An Li
PS: I’ve been getting a lot of session requests for Chicago. If you’d like me to add this city (or your city within the US) into my regular travels, booking a 5h session or generously sponsoring my flight, lodging, and accommodations on top of my travel tribute will get me there.
Travel

Play Parties, DomCon, & London

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Before I begin: a heartfelt thank you to everybody I played with in DC and NYC this year. I am absolutely exhausted and spent, but every minute was worth it. I had some incredible sessions that will remain very near and dear to My heart for a long time. Expect Me back in early fall of this year…

And for My grand return to Los Angeles, a whirlwind of events are upon us!

Tonight (Thursday, May 12th), I will be playing at the Eyes Wide Shut, Mouth Wide Open play party at Isabella Sinclaire’s Ivy Manor in DTLA. This night will be a special one – world renowned Bossy Bitch Delilah is in town to grace all simpering slaves with Her presence. The party features some of the most elite pro-dommes in Los Angeles, and this is your chance to woo Us all. Attending Mistresses include Mistress Isabella Sinclaire, Goddess Eden Winter, Kink Goddess Aiden Starr, Mistress Jewell Marceau, Mistress Nicolette Rule, Princess Marx, Mistress Stella Liberty, Lady Grace MarieSiren Savannah, and of course, Yours Truly. Prostrate yourself before Us.

Tomorrow (Friday, May 13th), I will be attending Deviants Ball 2016. With so many glamorous Friends attending and a night of decadence promised, how could I say no? Drop by and buy Me a drink if you dare.

The following week, from May 18th to 22nd, I will be attending the annual DomCon Los Angeles as a Special Guest for the third year in a row. I genuinely look forward to DomCon each year because it’s such an incredible way of meeting Pro-Dommes from all over. Where else (apart from DomCon Atlanta) can you find such a group of powerful kinky Women all in one place? And of course, it’s a lovely way of finally touching base with Mistresses outside of Twitter or texts. While the internet is convenient, there’s nothing like a good ol’ fashioned physical hangout. I will be shooting and sessioning in between classes, parties, and awards shows, so feel free to get in touch with Me during this time. And of course, don’t be shy – come up and say hello if you see Me!

On Saturday, May 28th, I will be performing onstage at Bar Sinister for the monthly Femme Domme Fatale, presented by Mistress Bella Bathory. I had a blast at last time’s performance and administered many a wicked beating, and am back at it again to discipline the masses! I will be performing alongside My good friend, Mistress Bettie Bondage, as well as Asia Adore, Celestial Seraphim, Lady Lingerie, Mistress Kara, and Pele.

And finally, LONDON. One whole month in London town, taking sessions from June 15th to July 15th, summer 2016. No rest for the wicked, and you can be sure that I will be wicked. Soak it in, subbies, soak it in.

Are you as excited as I am? Prove it.

Book your session now.

xoxo Never yours,
An Li
Travel

East Coast & Europe Travels

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Darling submissives, slaves, masochists, fetishists, and lurky-lurks –

East Coast spring sessions are coming up in a little over a week! I am taking My inaugural trip to Washington, D.C. from April 26th to May 2nd, and then hopping on over to New York City from May 3rd to May 10th. Two whole weeks on the other side of the States…take it in while you can.

As it is My first time traveling DC, I am highly encouraging public dining and play sessions. An evening or afternoon of fine dining and wining, followed by private play at My space – what could be more memorable?

I will be taking my sessions at a private space in Bloomingdale, Washington DC, right in the heart of the district.

For NYC, I will be taking My sessions in Manhattan at Parthenon close to Herald Square, as well as another private space to be announced.

And of course, let’s not forget London! I will be flying over to the other side of the pond to the United Kingdom from June 15th to July 15th – one entire month of sessions in Europe! I will be taking My sessions at various playspaces throughout the city, and am currently leaning towards Hoxton Dungeon Suites for most of My playtimes. I am also open to suggestions. Again, since it will be My first time in London, I am also highly encouraging dine and play sessions. Take Me out and show Me around a new city.

Please alert Me of all your special requests as early as possible. While I’d love to carry all My gear wherever I go, I do have to pack relatively efficiently. Any unique needs should be noted and packed as early as possible.

I can’t wait and am absolutely tingling with excitement at all the deviousness to come!

Book your session now.

xoxo Never yours,
An Li