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“You’re a lot more approachable now.”

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I was shooting whipping clips last week with one of my longterm whipping slaves, g. He’s known me for over five years now, and I’ve shot the majority of my corporal punishment videos with him. He comes to my personal home and I use him as a whipping boy to practice aiming and different techniques. Our usual routine is whipping practice or shooting clips and then going out to get smoothies and chatting afterwards (because aftercare or something). I’d like to think we have a good relationship. After all, I don’t invite many slaves into my personal home for no reason! The fact that he’s a tank with corporal punishment isn’t too shabby either. πŸ˜‰

After our extremely brutal shoot (you bitches are going to cream your pants watching these, so keep a lookout for them), I asked him how I’ve changed in my years as a Pro-Domme. After all, he’s known me from right about the time that I started to now in the present day. He’s been consistently in my life more than 95% of my submissives.

He said to me, quite succinctly, “You’re a lot more approachable now.”

I laughed because I was 100% certain he was correct. Slaves aren’t usually correct, but this was an exception. πŸ˜‰

I’ve been thinking about what it means to change as a Domme. And in particular, I’ve been thinking a lot about the Dunning-Kruger effect. (There’s a great This American Life about it. Check it out here.)

Not my own picture, but you get the idea.

More colloquially, Dommes know this phenomenon as “Baby Domme Syndrome”.

When we start out as Dommes, the excitement of digging into this empowering, seedy underworld is overwhelming. That, on top of the fact that people are literally paying to worship us – well, it can lead to a bit of overconfidence. And while many Dommes do have the natural instinct towards domination, that doesn’t mean it’s refined or accurate yet. Let’s just call it more of a tendency than a true skill as of that point.

My first years as a Dominatrix were a headrush. I definitely got tipsy with power, and I definitely thought I was the All-Knowing Creator of FemDom. I wasn’t, of course. But man, how could I not believe I was the best Dominatrix in the world when people were calling me on NiteFlirt telling me that they had never seen anyone as Dominant as me, telling me that I was so much better than everybody else, telling me that they only wanted to be my slave and nobody else’s?

And with that ego, I developed a coldness. A perpetual sneer, you could call it. Slaves were slaves, and to be treated like such. Let none of these sniveling bitches in, and who even needs aftercare? Do slaves even deserve aftercare? Don’t talk to them, don’t even look in their direction unless you are making them cry. I am better than any other person in the world, and I’m most certainly better than a slave.

I can still look unapproachable if I want to. πŸ’ƒ PC: Daniel Anton NYC

All of this is fun and true in the right scene, but highly unsustainable in life. It’s definitely unsustainable in my lifestyle! I’m happy to say that all of my slaves are also my friends. Sure, some of them are jackass, idiot friends, but you know how that goes…

Long story short, I was humbled many, many times throughout my beginning years. I still am humbled now! But whereas the humility was earth-shattering the first dozen of times, I now take it in stride as a learning experience. Everything is a learning experience.

While a couple of years ago, I would have been offended by someone describing me as approachable (in both work and life), I quite enjoy it now. I think it’s important to be able to let people into my life (with acceptable boundaries, of course). And in turn, having a connection with all my subs means our scenes can be so much more intense and meaningful. I like that. It truly feels like I am making a difference in someone’s life.

This is not to say that I don’t enjoy being a MegaBitchβ„’. Quite the contrary – having a connection with my bottoms means that I can twist and use all their intimate bits even better! Whereas I once saw approachability as being weakness in a Domme, I now see it, in part, as a tool to manipulate my bitches even more. How ironic is that? Perhaps I should change my motto to “Vulnerability is the true path to Brutality”.

But more than that, I think about how I have progressed as a Mistress. I take everything a lot less seriously now. I have a lot more ease about what I do. If something (or someone) doesn’t go to plan, I have the resources to laugh about it now. I know that I know a decent amount, and I also know that I know not so much, so it’s a relief to not be held accountable for the entire compendium of BDSM knowledge. It leaves me open to more learning.

Just some thoughts today.


In other news, Eyes Wide Shut is tonight! Y’all know it’s my favorite play party, as I have espoused before. I’m excited to attend tonight. Tonight will be the usual round-up of babely Domme superstars, including Aiden Starr, Eden Winter, Jewell Marceau, Helena Locke, Sheri Darling, Skin Diamond, Porcelain Midnight, Bettie Bondage, Aine Patrick, as well as Katarina Fox and special guest Monday Jones visiting from Seattle!

Are your panties wet yet?

Hope to see some of you there. Come say hi to me because I’m approachable now. πŸ˜‰


Finally, for general scheduling updates, I’ll be out of town the following week from Thursday to Monday (August 22nd-26th). I’m going backpacking in the Grand Canyon!

Those of you who have tried to schedule with me on the weekend know how notoriously hard it is to do so. A Mistress needs days off, too. Expect me to be entirely off the grid during this period of time. Daddy loves her cyber-free vacations.


Yellow background photo by David Zayas Jr.!

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On social media, dominance, and authenticity

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Sometimes when I spend too much time on social media, I start questioning who I am. Should I be more like this? Should I do more of that? Am I too happy? Am I too sad? Who am I?

I’m sure all of you have had that experience. Social media can be, after all, an endless feedback loop of emotional masochism. Be more attractive, be more successful, be more everything, and of course, be much better than who you are.

I get this way a lot with my Pro-Domme peers. I’ll spend a little too much time on Twitter, and soon enough, I’ll be down a rabbit hole of validation-based immolation. Here are a couple of thoughts that regularly pop up for me:

  • “I need to wear more leather and rubber.”
  • “I don’t look intimidating enough.”
  • “I should try to be more of a seductress.”
  • “I’m too fat.”
  • “My ass isn’t big enough.”
  • “I’m not as successful as her.”
  • “Does she not want to be my friend?”
  • “Do I do too many hand jobs in videos?”
  • “I should dress more ‘domme-y’.”
  • “I need to be meaner.”

I dwelled in it for a bit and felt bad for myself. And then I snapped out of it, reminding myself that I am very happy the way I am.

It has taken me some period of time to reach this place. I used to have complete breakdowns based on my very limited perception of who I was versus how my peers represented themselves. Some days, I snap out of it faster than others. Other days, I mope in self-pity for a while, truly feeling not good enough.

Social media makes it a little too easy to doubt one’s self. Spending time on it can be so confounding for me, because on the one hand, Twitter is an endless well of kinky inspiration. On the other hand, I find myself comparing myself with other Dommes, taking notes on what I lack and how I need to be better. And ultimately, I begin to dismiss my own Dominance. I truly begin to feel as if I am not good enough.

And here’s the thing: there is no one form of Dominance. Sure, there are archetypes. There are disciplinarian leather Mistresses, glamorous rubber fetishists, sultry three-piece lingerie vixens – the list of attributes goes on and on. BDSM creates a multitude of archetypes to represent Dominance, and we in turn, as Pro-Dommes, are expected to embody them. But these are heightened fantasies. They’re meant to be extreme, and they’re meant to be out of this world and unattainable. They are all wonderful and divine…and they also aren’t always me. (Which is not to say anything less about the rare Women who naturally carry this energy throughout their daily lives. They are rare and magical creatures. Hold on to them tightly.)

Sure, I can and have embodied these roles. If you catch me on a good day, I might even get into a full rubber catsuit for you. But just because I am not glamorous 24/7 (or even 9-5/7) does not mean my dominance is any less diminished. Dominance is complex, and ultimately, so much of it is in the eye of the beholder. What is Dominant for one person is submissive to another. What is sexy to one person is repulsive to another.

Here is the example I like to use the most: in my lifestyle D/s relationships, I am both bossy and lazy. I spend enough energy micromanaging people in session that I’d rather kick back and do nothing on my off days. I like getting spoiled. I’m sometimes quite petulant (just because I can, not necessarily because I am). Now obviously, between me and my slaves, I am the Dominant one in this scenario. But one could entirely flip the situation around and say that I’m a brat or little girl type of bottom. After all, brats in BDSM like to talk back. And little girls are often spoiled and taken care of by their Daddies. Really, the thin line separating me and a submissive is that I know I am not submissive, and my slaves know the same as well.

External deciders like the outfits I choose, the personality I have, and the activities I enjoy do not impact who I am as a Dominant person. Dominance comes from within. (cheesy, yes)

When I first started domming, I had an entire idea of who I thought I was as a Dominant – and she was every bit the archetype that any layperson thinks of when they think of a Dominatrix. Cold, vicious, cruel, with cutting words and a Cruella de Vil wardrobe. A leather and latex Bitch with a perpetual sneer.

I loved being her, but something also didn’t feel right. It took me a couple of years to find my own Dominant persona, and I still am refining her each day. But more importantly, she changes from day to day. She doesn’t need to embody a specific archetype to validate her dominance.

Here’s one of the first baby Domme photos. I don’t have a mohawk anymore and I wear a lot less corsets now (turns out if I wear them for too long, I get irrationally angry…), but I still love leather.

Most Pro-Dommes know that it takes a bit of time to find your voice – both literal and mental – and I found this to be stunningly true with each passing year. And the thing is that this voice needs to be genuine, or why even bother? We’re not actually in the business of being actresses. We’re here to play. Domination is an outlet for creative and personal expression. It is something that is incredibly sacred to me, and having come close to burning out many times, I refuse to allow that to happen just because I chose to not be true to myself.

I’ve spent this year really thinking about who I am as a Mistress. What kind of Mistress am I? How would I characterize myself? How do others see me? And while I have gotten quite a few common descriptors, I still don’t fully have an answer to that. Because the fact of the matter is that who we are as people is so complex that to narrow that down to a couple of words would be a disservice to all those involved. I could tell you that I’m quite sweet in sessions, but I could also tell you about the time where I kicked a man to the floor while he was crying. I could tell you that I’m not that into slave training, but then my cleaning slaves could tell you about my laundry list of protocol I have each time they walk into my house. I could tell you that I’m not that into seduction, but I could also tell you that one of my favorite sessions ever was the time I gave a sub his first full body orgasm with my breath alone.

I could tell you many things about myself, and then I could tell you something to immediately disprove it. And regardless of all of that, what I can tell you in 100% full confidence is that I am Dominant. The outfits, the activities, the persona – those are all fluff. They are cultural signifiers to tell the world, “Hey, look at me, I’ve put some simplified and direct labels on myself to tell you that I am Dominant.” These labels are fun and easy, but they are not the whole truth of it. The truth of the matter is that if I want to dominate someone in pajamas, no make-up, and a friendly smile on, I am not diminishing my own dominance in any sort of way. And neither are you (to any Dommes reading this)!

Sure, the Domme archetypes are magical and delightful to wear for a day (or a year). They’ve taught me a lot about who I am and who I am not. I draw on a little bit of each whenever I play. But I also want you to know that you and I, we are all perfectly Dominant the way we are, and we don’t need to concede to a simplified ideology to show that. Don’t worry about what social media, porn, or other subs tell you what you need to be in order to be Dominant. Just trust in who you are, and let that guide you along your kinky path. Be authentic about it. Be your own goddamn, authentic, fabulous, Dominant self.

So who am I today? I am currently in T-shirt and shorts. My phone has been blowing up with slaves begging me to make them eat cum and poop. I’ve been sitting on the couch all day. I’m planning out my next corporal punishment and latex maid shoots. I made dinner. And I still feel sexy and Dominant as hell, all hiccups aside. πŸ’‹

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Travel, Order of Indomitus, and Ladies!

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BDSM keeps a Mistress busy! Lots of thoughts and updates today.

Travel

First thing’s first, let’s get travel out of the way. I will be traveling a little bit south in the coming month, and then back up north, and finally, southeast in the fall. Because of my rather hectic personal schedule this fall, I do not have time for my usual East Coast fall tour. *sad trumpet* That is, unless you’d like to generously sponsor my travel to your city. πŸ˜‰

And as usual, remember that I can fly to you damn near anywhere in the world provided that my flights and lodgings are generously provided for! Ya gurl loves business and first class.

50% deposits and advance notice of 48h minimum for all appointments. Good slaves come first.

San Diego on Sunday, August 4th, up until 6pm.

San Diego! This will be my first time playing in you. I know many of you drive up from San Diego to come see me in LA, and I thank you for that journey. And now for one day only, I am coming to you. I will be holding sessions up until 6PM at Porcelain Midnight’s Midnight Manor. I’ve played with Porcelain many times at Eyes Wide Shut and am looking forward to seeing and using her space! I’m such a lookie-loo when it comes to other people’s BDSM studios. I love seeing how they set up everything, what sorts of toys and equipment they choose to have, their cleaning and confirmation protocol – all of it! Everybody does it so differently that it’s fascinating to see how one person has streamlined a process or what another person uses the most.

Because I will be in San Diego largely for pleasure (Del Mar horse races, here I come!), I will be traveling light. Any specific equipment requests must be vetted in advance to see if I can accommodate it or if it is available at Midnight Manor. I will consider larger equipment requests for longer sessions (3h+).

San Francisco/Oakland/Bay Area, October 27th to November 1st.

I used to go to the Bay more often in the past, but that seems to have slipped in the recent years. Well guess what, bitches? I’m back again! And this time, for almost a whole week. You have me for a whole SIX DAYS! How lucky are you?

The Bay Area is my childhood home and I love being back. But most of all, I love all of you slaves that come out to see me! As many of you know, I play in multiple BDSM studios in the Bay. Most notably, La Maison de la Maitresse in SF and Black Thorn in Oakland are the ones that I frequent the most. I may be trying out a new studio in the city this time around, schedule permitting.

And hopefully, I’ll get to sneak in a video shoot or two. I’ve been itching to shoot with Elyse Graves of Bondage Therapy and if the stars align…

As this is my hometown, I’m prepared to travel full of (airplane-friendly) gear. Give me your equipment requests ahead of time so I can pack it all in!

Florida, Order of Indomitus, November 8th to 10th, and possibly Delray Beach November 12th to 15th!

I know a lot of you guys have seen the buzz about OOI on Twitter or Instagram. A bunch of hot, kinky Femdommes abusing men in the Florida outdoors. Whipping, pony riding, poolside pampering… you guys should take a look at the OnlyFans for a sneak peek at some of the Femdom shenanigans.

I cannot overstate how EXCITED I am for the event. In fact, consider everything I say about this to be an understatement. A Female Domination weekend on a secluded Florida estate. Three days of true slavery and submission. A full weekend of slave suffering and Femdom pampering. Outdoors BDSM (such a rarity)! And of course, let’s not forget that humidity. My hair and skin are going to look perfect in the wet Florida air. πŸ˜‰

Not a picture from OOI, but my own from Clips4Sale. But you get the idea!

Headmistress and event host Michelle Lacy was kind enough to give me a very thorough briefing on the events to happen at OOI, and let’s just say that all the participants are in for quite a treat. I literally squealed when I read over all the activities that are scheduled to happen. And no, you can’t have any details. It’s a secret. Guess you’ll just have to attend. πŸ˜‰

You can apply here, and be sure to say that I sent you. But you better do it fast, because it is guaranteed to sell out before the event date.

I may be staying for the week afterwards to decompress and take a couple of sessions in Delray Beach in South Florida at Michelle Lacy’s studio. I do not have these dates solidified yet, so check in regularly to see if I have them booked (realistically, I will solidify this by next weekend). If so, you can expect some session availability from the 12th to 15th. And as always, I can’t wait to see Michelle’s playspace! She posts wonderful pictures on Twitter, and I would love to see it in person. Maybe double or triple sessions are in the cards…

This will be my first time in Florida in TWENTY years. Let’s make it a good one.

And that’s it for travel updates! Whew. Now onto the kinky stuff.

Ladies…

I’ve been so, so lucky to have the privilege of playing with so many women this year. In the past, all of my female sessions have come in the form of couples playtimes. And don’t get me wrong, I love watching the exchange of energy and intimacy that can only be from a personal relationship, and I love the exhibitionism of playing with a woman while her partner is watching. But specifically, there is something about playing with a woman one-on-one that is inexplicably erotic.

This past week, I have had !two! long playtimes with ladies. The first was a young college student who had played in her lifestyle, but craved a professional experience. The second was a woman whom I was her first and second BDSM experience. Both women wanted to explore and try a little bit of everything, which I love doing. Taking someone’s hand and showing them all the ways BDSM can delight the senses is so wonderful. I truly feel honored that these two women chose me for their first professional experiences. I was walking on cloud nine all week.

Here’s a little sneak peek at the BDSM naughtiness that happened. πŸ˜‰

So why is it that I love playing with women? Women, in my experience, are so much more reactive when you play with them. When you touch them, feel them up, whip them. It makes my job so much easier and so much sexier. I can read exactly what’s going on in their body and what they’re feeling. I feel a sense of intimacy that could only come from knowing her body because I have that same body, feeling a kinship for her because we share a culture, and then dominating the fuck out of her because I’m inside her mind. It’s hot, to say the least.

And of course, let’s not forget boobs, pussy, and ass. It’s more territory for me to play with! Most of you slaves don’t have breasts that I can tie up in a variety of ways, so until that happens, you will never present the same delicious challenges that playing with women does. (And yes, this does mean I did some delectable breast bondage last week. Unff. Hot.)

And what does this mean for everybody else? Take a page out of their books! If you want to have a good session, you need to learn how to emote. Expressing yourself in voice and body is how any good Dominatrix reads you and decides what to do next. Don’t be afraid of showing your emotion. We love it. Don’t try to steel yourself up to any feelings. You’re supposed to feel! This is kink, this is sex (of a type) – you should feel everything. BDSM is meant to be experienced in full.

We want to know that you’re experiencing it fully and presently. It gives us satisfaction in knowing that the actions we cause have an effect on you. It tells us that what we’re doing is working, and to do it more. Or maybe, that what we’re doing isn’t working, and to do it less. After all, if you don’t emote at all, it’s about the equivalent of playing with a pet rock. And no shade to anyone who loves their pet rock, but I personally do not glean any joy out of beating a rock.

Kinktra in the Raw

I did an interview last month with Jane Jett (Dominatrix) and Erinn Acuna (healthy food advocate and food slut). You can listen to it here. I mostly talk about scat play in it, lol.

I had a fun time recording it. On the one hand, Jane Jett’s knowledge of BDSM was impressive and venerable. On the other hand, Erinn Acuna was just as anal retentive as me. It made for a fun, easygoing balance while we shot the shit (lol) and chatted about kink. Let me know what you think! xx

$$$ Clips4Sale $$$

Clips4Sale is running a promotion all of July! I get a larger percentage of your purchases, which obviously means more money in my pocket. And you want me to have more money in my pocket, right? Because more money in my pocket means more toys, more time, and more Happy Mistressβ„’. The catch is that for all your purchases this month, you need to use this specific link to make your purchases with. The prices for my videos are still exactly the same, I just get a little bit more money. Which is good for you and good for me.

And if you haven’t seen my videos yet, what are you doing with your life? No seriously, what the fuck are you doing with your life??? Head on over to my video stores and gobble all those videos up like the horny jerkaholic you are. You won’t regret it, I promise.

Pro-Domme hot tip: videos are a great way of seeing the skills a Domme is capable of and the equipment she may have on hand. While videos are not reality (read: I won’t give you a hand job, pervert), they are a pretty accurate way of assessing what she may be like in session. For anybody who’s nervous about trying a new ProDomme out, take a look at her clips stores (if she has any) to get a glimpse of her BDSM capabilities. Take a look at all her videos and see what sorts of activities she might lean towards. It is a tremendously helpful way of getting to know a Domina before meeting her.

Of course, any good sub researching a new Mistress should take a look at everything she uses to represent herself, from her website to her social media to her forum posts to anything else. Videos are only one factor of the equation.

🎡 It’s my birthday, I’ll bully if I want to 🎢

It’s my goddamn birthday this week! I’ve already gotten loads of presents, and I want more! And remember: presents exist in all forms, not just physical presents. You can help clear out my wishlist here, buy my clips or send me a birthday tribute on Clips4Sale or iWantClips, book a playtime, or send a donation to some of my favorite charities, Sex Workers Outreach Project Los Angeles, Planned Parenthood, or Free Speech Coalition.

Presents! Look at my presents!

Remember, it feels good to give to your Goddess. It always feels good.


That’s it for now. Whew! Was that a lot? Because that felt like a lot on my end. Either way, if you have made it through this post, congratulations, you studious bitch. And if this has piqued your interest, and you want to play with me one-on-one, you know exactly where to find me.

PS: Hot photo at the top by The English Mansion in the UK. Because bondage, duh πŸ’•

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Eyes Wide Shut, a Femdom play party

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Eyes Wide Shut Femdom BDSM play party in Los Angeles

Last night was Eyes Wide Shut. It’s a Femdom play party I’ve been playing at for four years now, give or take. When I first went independent, one of the first things I did was reach out to the hosts to ask to attend. I had my eyes on the party ever since I started ProDomming and was pretty eager to join it because of the all-star roster. I’ve been going consistently ever since. I think I’ve only missed out on two parties in the past four years.

I’ve loved the event ever since the first time I attended it. Something about the energy of all the women who attend, the familiarity with the regulars, the novices who are down to try so much – it’s always a lot of fun! Each EWS is like a party with old friends and new friends. And social element aside, I really get a lot out of watching Pro-Dommes play. The work that we do can be incredibly isolating, and it’s easy to get stuck in a rut between sessions. When I watch others revel in their Femdom craft, I pick up new tricks or get inspired to try something a little bit differently. Voyeurism for the sake of science can be mentally refreshing. (Voyeurism for the sake of voyeurism is also fun, too…)

Here are a couple of highlights from last night:

  • I touched Eden Winter’s boobs. They felt as good as they looked. In fact, I’m reliving that experience in my mind as I type this. (Are you pervs jealous yet?)
  • I tied up cbtslave’s cock and balls in the most delicious, squishy sort of way. I separated, stretched his balls, and pulled his balls upward, and then tied up the entirety of his cock and pulled it downwards. He has a bit of a split urethra, and I pulled some string through that, bisecting the head of his cock. (NSFW, obviously.) I was feeling predicament bondage at that moment and proceeded to attach more rope to his toes so that each time he moved (which of course he would), his cock would move this way and that. I then proceeded to poke his cock and balls and laugh each time he groaned. Several ladies joined in the poking fun because who could resist poking a dick balloon??
  • I met the most INSANE ballbusting bottom ever. This man had some zen-like control over his impulses, because we had a completely normal conversation while I was repeatedly kicking and kneeing him in the balls. He didn’t even pause to groan or take a breather. Just an entirely normal conversation! It was nuts!
    I really wished I brought my boots because the tops of my feet were getting sore from kicking him so much. You’d almost think that I was the bottom in the scene given how much my feet hurt and how little he reacted each time I kicked him…
    In any case, I am definitely going to try to shoot with him at some point! Ballbusting videos are my jam.
  • I ran into one of my former domestic slaves! I don’t have many personal slaves, but most of the ones I have fall under the cleaner/domestic category. This one was a good boy and I had high hopes for him. Things with him did not work out largely due to scheduling constraints, but I had encouraged him to go out and keep on pursuing the D/s lifestyle. I really did believe that something would click for him since he was so eager to please and genuinely submissive.
    Turns out he recently got collared by one of the attending Mistresses there! What a lucky boy. Dreams do come true. I’m really quite happy for him. I guess I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic when it comes to BDSM.
    He did fuck up his eye aversions at the very last minute, so I guess some things never change…
  • I used slave d as a human ashtray outside. I love outdoors play! Bettie Bondage was laughing because each time I spit at him, he dove his eager mouth for it like a frog catching a fly, ha!

Overall, a pretty swell night. Most nights at Eyes Wide Shut usually are.

The Ladies in attendance last night were Eden Winter, Skin Diamond, Jewell Marceau, Porcelain Midnight, Bettie Bondage, Aine Patrick, and Hannah Hunt.

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A scat play primer, or why some people like to eat shit

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I shit on a lot of people. And I mean that in a very literal sort of sense. I take off my panties, I squat over the slave (usually their mouth), and I take a big fat dump on top of them, typically aiming for the mouth. Most slaves usually aim for full consumption, meaning that they try to swallow my doodoo. I do this quite frequently. On my busiest weeks, I have shat on a new person every single day of the week! Scat play is easily one of my most requested interests.

You could say it’s a bit of a specialty of mine. And happily so! I think it’s hilarious to shit on people, and I never in my wildest dreams could have imagined being paid handsomely for it. I genuinely believe I was meant to shit on men. I know that childhood vanilla An Li (before she became An Li) would be so proud of Daddy An Li today.

I’ve been meaning to write this article for a while, since I always get questions about this particular fetish once I make it known that I partake in this sort of play. So here ya go!

What is full toilet training?

Full toilet training (FTT or FT) is also known as hardsports (HS), scat play, or more formally, coprophilia (copro). It is the particular use of defecation within BDSM, be it on someone, around someone, etc. The poop itself often comes with euphemistic names such as caviar/kaviar, fudge, chocolate, or really whatever you’d like to call it. The “full” within “full toilet training” specifically denotes scat within the play, whereas “toilet training” can be a more ambiguous term intended for either piss and/or shit.

As a general whole, when somebody asks for toilet training, I assume they are asking for full toilet training. Most people who ask for just piss typically use the term “golden showers (GS)” or “watersports (WS)”. I feel the need to clarify this because I’ve recently had a couple of novices request toilet training under the assumption that it referred to only watersports, but this is not true. Had I not clarified with them, the results could have been potentially disastrous! Obviously, FTT is not for everyone. It’s important to specifically denote which type of activity you are asking for for that reason.

One reason it is typically referred to within a “training” context is because the activity itself is not easy. It oftentimes does require a bit more training or encouragement to swallow (if that is your particular goal), and especially so to consume a large load (which mine typically are). Most toilet slaves need multiple attempts before being able to swallow any significant portion. “Training” can also refer to the particular process of dehumanizing someone into something less than human, or a toilet. Of course, not everybody sees it like this – for some people, full toilet training can be an activity that lifts them up. For others, it is a degrading activity intended to humble and minimize themselves.

Do you shit in their mouths? How do you do that?

Typically, yes, I shit in their mouths. I largely do this because it is a preference of mine (less mess, more direct, also a lot funnier) and also because it is a common request in the realm of scat play. Not everybody asks for this. Some people want me to shit on their hands while kneeling behind me so that they can hold my shit in a reverent, kneeling manner, other people want me to shit on their cock so they can jerk off to it, other people want me to shit on a plate so that I make them eat it with a knife and fork, other people want me to mail my shit to them…the possibilities are really quite endless within scat play. Like all playtimes, it depends on the particular mood and goal of mine and the sub’s.

Forced full consumption is a common theme of hard sports, meaning they want to be made to eat all of it. This is my most popular request. Frequently, this involves some sort of bondage for an element of inescapability, consensual non-consent without a safeword, some (consensual) threats to provide a proper impetus, and a lot of patience. Admittedly, most of my subbies who ask for full consumption have trouble actually consuming all of it in part because I usually have surprisingly large loads.

I never allow direct intimate contact during FTT. Some toilet fetishists fantasize about being human toilet paper, meaning they want to wipe me clean (read: lick my dirty asshole). I don’t allow this (and also from a purely technical standpoint, a dirty shit tongue would not make for very effective toilet paper). Some shit boys also dream of me sitting directly on their faces to shit on them – also another activity I never do because of my personal preferences and hard limits. I typically use a toilet chair or squat on top of something to poop on slaves, and yes, they do see my asshole. While I don’t allow for nudity in most of my sessions, I figure that if you are going out of your way to undergo such an extreme activity as scat play, you deserve to see my asshole in the process. πŸ˜‰

Isn’t scat play gross?

Yes, of course it is. It’s poop. What kind of question is that?

Luckily for my shitheads, I have a very high tolerance for gross activities. Full toilet training is not a common activity offered by many Mistresses is because it’s an inherently a hard-to-swallow activity (did you see the pun I made there?). Hardsports can be viscerally difficult to be around.

Conversely, many slaves fantasize about scat play, but when the shit hits the fan (lol), not everybody has the stomach for it (lol). It’s only natural for your body to want to reject human excrement. If this happens to you your first, second, or third time, don’t fret! This is a common response.

I typically find that the difficulty of the activity makes the appeal stronger in hindsight, even if someone vows never to try it again. Most boys I know do try it again. πŸ˜‰

How do you schedule your poop? What do you eat?

Every Dominatrix who does hardsports has their own routine for this. I personally have my bowel movements scheduled to a fairly precise science. Because I require an earlier notification for all sessions (and particularly for scat play sessions), I have time to prepare my body. I have regular bowel movements during a specific time range once a day, and I work around that. I typically eat quite healthily at regular hours and drink quite a bit of water. Based on what I’ve eaten, the size of my meals, the time of my meals, my water consumption, the hours during which I go to sleep and wake up, the time of my last bowel movement, and the general feeling of my body that day (or week), I can predict when my next shit will happen.

I’ve always been a bit…anal retentive about my bowel movements. πŸ˜‰

Sometimes I can’t shit on someone right on time. This is part of the nature of the game. Controlling the subconscious movements of your body is a futile game, so it’s important to know that the full toilet training may not actually occur before going into a session. I know some Dominatrices have on-call toilet slaves at their play spaces, however I do not own my own playspace and therefore it does not make financial sense to do this. Other Mistresses use shit from the day before. I don’t usually do this unless by request.

Why do people want to become a human toilet?

From my experience, human toilets can be broken down into a couple of categories. Consider it like a Venn diagram, where some people overlap and others don’t. Most people are usually some variable combination of these categories. Please keep in mind that all of my observations are anecdotal. I typically attract a certain type of Femdom audience, and what is common for me may not be common for other Mistresses. Additionally, the way I describe these categories are not hard and fast rules – they are simply my interpretations of them. Take this with a grain of salt.

The categories are as follows:

  • Humiliation.
  • Taboo.
  • Goddess worship.
  • Ass worship.
  • Intimacy.
  • Scat fetish.

If you’re an experienced toilet or toilet top and think that I am missing out on a key category, please feel free to let me know! I’d love to hear your feedback on this.

Humiliation

This is the most common theme for the people who come to see me. Toilet play can be, as you can probably surmise, an incredibly degrading and disgusting activity.

Think about it this way: a lot of kinksters like a bit of humiliation in their BDSM. You want to know that you’re being “naughty” and “dirty” and “filthy”. You need to be punished. Scat play is an extreme extension of that desire. Scatplay is arguably one of the deepest forms of humiliation – after all, you’re getting shat on. What could be more disgusting and repulsive on your end than becoming the receptacle of human waste? How could you get any lower than lying on the floor while a Mistress takes a dump on you?

Taboo

Nearly anybody into BDSM can relate to the desire to delve into taboo. People are often into taboo activities purely because of the illicitness and stigma behind it. I see it as this way: the more we repress something, the more it shows up in more extreme ways. A dieter may deny themselves food, but may then obsess about eating for all of their waking and sleeping moments. An extremely religious person might be taught that many of their sexual desires are sinful, and then may become a nymphomaniac. Britney Spears may be told that she has to be sexy and beautiful all the time, but then may go ahead and shave off all her hair in a desperate cry against beauty norms. You get the idea. Society may tell you that something is unacceptable, and then you spend the rest of your life fantasizing about it. The moment somebody tells you no, you want it to be yes. It’s reverse psychology at its finest.

Taboo-seekers often want to push the limits of what is deemed acceptable to both themselves and others precisely because it’s looked down upon. The more extreme the activity, the better. And consuming poop can be quite an extreme activity, as you can probably imagine.

Humiliation and taboo often beget one another in this scenario. Maybe you want to be humiliated, so you partake in taboos so that you can be humiliated for it. Conversely, maybe you’re into taboos but also want to be humiliated to highlight how forbidden it is.

Goddess worship

For those that consider scat play as an uplifting activity, Goddess worship typically comes into play. If you are worshiping your Goddess, then a toilet slave who has this perspective may want to worship her in all her glory – including her shit. You may want to express your reverence for her by becoming a useful everyday item, like a toilet. Or perhaps you want to humble yourself before her (in the same way that religious devotees humble themselves by kneeling), and for you, that way of deference might be to consume the lowest of her low, her excrement. You’re adoring your Mistress when you are consuming her caviar.

Ass worship

Perhaps you’re an ass fetishist. You like touching butts, kissing butts, sniffing butts, licking and eating butts, and fucking butts. You like everything about the booty. You’ve never really quite considered scat play, but one day, you start eating ass and you realize that there’s…a little bit of shit on it. You go ahead and eat the ass, and it turns out to be quite a pleasant experience. For once, that little remnant doesn’t disgust you.

Conversely, you find yourself getting more and more turned on by it. You realize that every asshole has some amount of poop on it. You realize that part of the reason why an asshole smells the way it does is because shit passes over it. You realize that farts are really just poop air. You start connecting the dots.

One day you wake up, and you realize you want to take someone’s shit.

Ass worship can be a slippery slope. πŸ˜‰

Intimacy

Many people crave intimacy with their Mistresses, and understandably so. You’re engaging in activities deigned alternative to the usual sexual experiences, so trust and understanding go a long way to creating a memorable time.

Being underneath a Goddess while she takes a load on you can be a remarkably sensual and bonding experience. You are watching her do an activity typically relegated behind closed doors. You’re up close and personal. You can see the asshole bulge out, listen to her sighs, groans, and grunts, and watch her wipe. It feels vulnerable underneath her, opening yourself up in this sort of manner. These are typically things most people do not get to experience within such an intimate and direct sort of way.

Scat fetish

By “scat fetish”, I mean a true obsession for shit itself. Not necessarily for the ass, for humiliation, or really anything else, but purely the shit as the object of desire unto itself. This is the most uncommon category in my experience.

If you’re reading this, hopefully you have an understanding of a fetish. Having a fetish doesn’t necessitate a particular reason or ideology. It just is. Some people like feet, some people like hair, some people like cars, some people like trees. Everybody is different, and fetishes can arise in literally any thinkable form.

A feces fetishist may be someone who gets turned on by excreta wherever and whenever it appears. I’ve met fetishists who get excited by dog waste on the street. I’ve met people who have saved their own shit for further use. For some, it doesn’t matter who left it – it just matters that it’s poo.

Ok, so I think I might understand hardsports now. But why do you do it?

I wish I had some more enlightened philosophical or poetic reason to give you here. I really do. But honestly? I do it because I find it hilarious. I find the whole process of shitting funny since my humor never really grew past a pubescent thirteen-year-old boy’s humor. I like potty jokes. I fart loudly and laugh at myself afterwards. All my friends know me as someone who obsessively describes the quality of my own shits…on a daily basis. I’m a doo-doo Daddy, it’s true.

The combination of my bathroom humor, my anal retentiveness, my emergency-room-level tolerance for filth, and my general self-amusement when I make people do silly things for me has resulted in the perfect coalescence of someone who likes to shit on men. It couldn’t be more fitting.

I remember I was ecstatic when I first became a Dominatrix and realized that I could get paid to shit on men. I had just heard of Scat Queen Delilah and knew I wanted to be exactly that. It took me over a year before I had my first full toilet training playtime, but when I came out of the room, I was so fucking proud of myself. I knew I immediately wanted to do it, and I wanted to do it often.

While I don’t consider myself a Scat Queen (that title only belongs to Delilah, and for good reason), I do consider myself a bit of a shit specialist – and I’m proud of it! It just goes to show that the world can be such a wacky and fascinating place.

Oh also! The hot photo is by David Zayas Jr.

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I’m a ballbusting bully Β―\_(ツ)_/Β―

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An Li grabs her latex and leather gimp slave by the cock and balls. Ballbusting and CBT!

I’ve had this client on Niteflirt lately that I’ve been having a riot chatting with about ballbusting. By chatting, I mostly mean bullying.

“Mattias” has called me multiple times in the past week. He starts off like most subs who call me on Niteflirt. I ask him why he’s calling me and how he thinks he can serve me. He answers that he’s into humiliation. Humiliation, of course, can veer into many sorts of ways, so that’s really not much of a descriptor. I push him a little deeper into the conversation, and eventually it veers into ballbusting.

Now here’s where things got interesting. I told him to punch himself in the balls, and he immediately starts crying. I can imagine him crying when he does so – that sort of ugly, scrunched-up-face crying that you see on babies who have too much gas – and along with it, he does this really whiny, annoying whimper. A very “nyah-nyah-nyah, I’m a big fat baby” sort of whimper. It’s practically begging for abuse!

For those of you who don’t know, I was a bully growing up. I am not particularly proud of this (because non-consent, bullies were typically people who were bullied, yada yada), but it is true, and also it turns out that being a childhood bully is a Major Selling Pointβ„’. “She’s authentic!,” potential subs think when they are reading about my past. And to be quite frank, I have never really quite progressed outside of that bully mindset when it comes to my humor. When I try to explain my love for ballbusting to vanilla people, I usually say, “Well, it’s like watching America’s Funniest Home Videos in real time,” because anybody who has seen the show knows that half of the videos on there are Anti-Darwinian people getting their nads smacked around. It’s funny!

The reason I bring this up is because there is something about whimpering, ugly-crying submissive that automatically ticks on the “BULLY” element of my personality. I go from 0-100 in no time at all. It’s almost like I am an animal with a very high prey drive, and something has just whizzed by my vision. I practically have no choice in this! And when it’s on Niteflirt, I get to indulge the bully side of me that would be highly inappropriate and unconsensual in normal life.

So he starts ugly crying and pleading no, but obviously anybody who does that is practically asking for it, so I urge him to punch himself in the balls. “Urge” might be a bit too understated. I aggressively bark at him to punch himself in the balls again. And again. And again. I believe this lasted for 45minutes or so. I was doing errands with the slave boyfriend, so I sat in the parking lot in the car while he ran inside the mall to pick up things, and when he came back, he started laughing because I was still so viciously tearing into this crying bitch.

Of course, someone like that will keep on calling back. Mattias called me back a couple more times the days following. He had mentioned also being interested in golden showers and cum eating, but I was more focused on the ballbusting element of it. It was just too funny to hear him cry! I couldn’t…not…tell him to punch himself in the balls.

On one of the days he called me, I made him punch himself in the balls 100 times consecutively. The catch was that I would make him start over each time he wasn’t punching himself in the balls hard enough. (You guys do know that I can always tell when you wimp out on various bodily tortures over the phone, right?) So I made him start over again…and again…and again. He must’ve punched himself in the balls over three hundred times during that call (and three hundred is a safe estimate).

In the end, he was worried that he would need to go to the hospital (but then he asked if I would make the doctors punch him in the balls for me, lol). Let’s be honest here β€“ bitches like that rarely ever punch themselves in the nads hard enough to warrant a hospital visit. It’s actually quite difficult to punch your own balls that hard unless you have them tied up and restrained in some sort of way! So I didn’t believe him. It was just another bitch whining. In any case, he was doing that ugly crying again, which to me was always a good sign…for me, at least.

The last time he called, he said he didn’t want to do any more ballbusting and then started crying when the first words out of my mouth were, “Punch yourself in the balls, idiot.” I think he genuinely thinks that the only thing we will ever do on the phone is ballbusting. I was planning on letting him cum into a glass and then piss into the glass and drink it…I just wasn’t in the mood for that yet. Also, the more somebody says no to me, the more I will do something just because I can. I guess I’m a sick fuck or something.

So, jackass, if you’re reading this, you should punch yourself in the balls for me. πŸ˜‰

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Celebrate Chinese New Year with Asian Supremacy!

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A Femdom Chinese New Years with An Li, Damiana Chi, Lucy Khan, and Jezebel Chi!

Chinese New Year is coming up in February, and what better way to ring in the Lunar New Year than by submitting to some of your favorite Asian Mistresses? A Chinese New Year without a Chinese Dominatrix is no CNY indeed. πŸ˜‰

I’m excited to announce my participation in the Chinese New Year 2019 celebrations at the Chi Temple play party this year on February 2nd! I was part of the celebrations in 2016 and had a complete blast. Something about being with my kind of ladies – powerful Asian Dominatrices who subvert our exotified Tiger Mom stereotypes – feels incredibly in sync.

CNY 2019 is the year of the earth pig – so what better reason than to be humbled as our pig? It’s kismet! How could you possibly refuse?

Damiana Chi and Lucy Khan are our gracious co-hosts for the party this year, hosting two separate parties on February 1st and February 2nd. Each party will feature three Mistresses and six subs only. The setup is such to ensure that every slave will be privileged to have 20-25 minutes of guaranteed one-on-one play with every Mistress.

Sound right up your alley? Have you been itching for a serious play party of hardcore BDSM? Then read on for details and application info:

February 1st, 2019
11AM-2PM
Asian Dominas: Damiana Chi, Jezebel Chi, and Lucy Khan

February 2nd
12PM-3PM
Asian Dominas: Damiana Chi, Lucy Khan, and An Li (me, of course!)

Please note that this will not be a social party and is better suited for the true BDSM and fetish participant rather than the observer. All participants are expected to be present for all three hours.

I will be accepting well-vetted applicants for February 2nd. Please use my contact form to submit your polite triple session festivities inquiry. As of this time, most of the February 2nd dates have been sold already so the last spot will only be for a very lucky bitch! Tickets have gone extraordinarily fast, and I expect this party to be fully sold out by the end of this week.

Regarding well-vetted applicants: this means subs that have served any of us before or can provide recent references from other well-established Pro-Dommes. Please do not forget to include this information in your contact form as it is necessary.

Excited? I am as well! I can’t wait to see and meet you on February 2nd. πŸ˜‰

Book your triple session now.

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On handjobs.

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Let’s make this short and sweet: I don’t do them.

 


 

Please note that my personal preferences are not everybody else’s. A Mistress can and will do as she pleases, and I am all the more happy to support any Mistress in how she chooses to demonstrate her domination over men. These are my own personal preferences and I do not speak for all Pro-Dommes out there.

I am clarifying this because you may have seen me do them in my videos. Yes, I do them in my videos. However, remember: it’s porn. It’s a fantasy, and it’s not real (for you, at least). Just because you watch your favorite pornstar fuck on film does not mean they are going to fuck you, nor does that entail that they are necessarily for hire to do said fucking. I highly suggest taking a close reading of someone’s interests and hard limits before running under the assumption that these activities are on the menu just because you’ve seen it on camera. I enjoy many of the activities I do on camera with new subs, however hand jobs are never one of them.

Yes, the hand jobs I do on film are real, and they are only with one person – my slave boyfriend. I am only interested in doing these direct activities with partners, and I enjoy shooting videos of us doing these activities because 1. I’m an exhibitionist, and 2. because I like showing you what you can’t have but wish you could.

With that in mind, consider all the directly normative sexual activities I do on camera as a long-distance cuckolding for you – a free humiliation service. Lucky you! I am not interested in touching your cock like that, and it will never happen for you.

You can, however, continue watching my clips and enjoying them from afar. Perhaps you don’t enjoy the prospect of being in the cuck position. Sure, it’s not everybody’s cup of tea. Then imagine yourself in my slave’s scenario, imagine me jerking you off and edging your cock with my hands, imagine me up close and personal in the most sexual, female led relationship sort of way, and also remember: it will never happen.

I hope that clarifies things for all you confused horndogs out there! And if this has ruined your fantasy, well then honey, someone was bound to tell you that porn wasn’t real at some point. πŸ˜‰

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Impersonators, Scammers, and General Tomfoolery

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I’ve received yet another message today about how someone fell for a scammer.

A profile imitating me on yet another adult/kinky dating site had lured $500 for a deposit scam out of the hapless man under the pretense of real-life play. He’s upset about it, of course, and told me that I should do more to “protect my good name”.

This is not new. I receive messages from men getting burnt on deposit scams from fake profiles of me every week, and messages about copycat profiles on social media and dating apps every single day. This is not an exaggeration.

I’ve had a rash of impersonators in the past year. Why? I have no fucking idea. All I do know is that a couple of them are extremely persistent, and I am able to recognize repeat offenders by the style of the username they choose and how they speak. Some of them have gone so far as to make 30+ repeat accounts of me on various sites, even after I’ve taken down their profiles over and over and over again.

I do my best to take down the profiles as I receive notice of them, but sometimes it is actually impossible as some of the sites require me to give them verification that I can’t or am unwilling to provide, or sometimes the help section of a site or app is entirely unresponsive. Furthermore, I am taking down accounts left and right on a weekly basis. This has become damn near a full time job – and mind you, I already have a full time job.

So here’s the thing: I don’t expect this to ever stop. People will continue messaging me about new profiles, I will do my best to take them down, and the people who do this for a living will keep on making new profiles because there is no true recourse for them catfishing other people as me.

Ultimately, I am writing this post so that I can easily send it to each new person who messages me saying that they got burned on yet another deposit scam. For one, it absolves me of any responsibility of these men’s losses. For another, it is intended to educate others on how to not fall for these scams.

And if, after reading all of this, you still fall for yet another deposit scam…well then, the onus easily falls on you. Not me, not the scammer – you.

I just want to make this very clear: I don’t like the existence of these scammers. The consequence is that Pro-Dommes like me, who actually love what we do, find it harder to take deposits from people who would have ordinarily done so because they fell for scammers before. And here’s the thing: deposits are industry standards (at least in major US cities) because of the high rate of timewasters and flakes. If I don’t receive a deposit from you, the likelihood is pretty much guaranteed that we will never play.

When you, as a potential sub, become jaded that you gave money to the wrong person and no longer want to do so with anyone else, your likelihood of playing with legitimate Dominatrices diminishes. As Pro-Dommes, our time is valuable and we expect that to be respected since we have other subs who can and will take your place. And perhaps, in time, you will continue becoming more and more jaded of Femdom because you start playing with inexperienced Dommes who don’t know how to handle their business with professionalism, which leads to a greater suspicion of Femdom. It’s a vicious cycle.

I do not want anyone to become suspicious about playing with Pro-Dommes. Most of us genuinely love what we do and want the entire process to be streamlined and easy so that we can get to the playing faster. Scammers make subs more reticent to send deposits, and that ultimately makes it more difficult for me to play with those subs. It is not my job to sway you that I am the real thing. I won’t do it as it simply isn’t worth my time, and you then won’t play with me. And who knows? We probably would have had an incredible time together.

With that diatribe out of the way, let’s get to the educational listicle portion of this post.

 


 

How to Spot a Scammer

  1. Does it seem like it’s too good to be true? It probably is.
    Remember those emails from African princes about wire transfers to receive their fortune? Did you ever fall for those? Do you still fall for those?
    If not, then why would you fall for someone reaching out to you for something that seems a little too good to be true? Which leads me to the second point…
  2. Did “she” reach out to you first? Remember, Professional Domination is a business of sorts (hence…”Professional”). Businesses like mine largely do not cold call potential subs asking for money. For one, we are too busy with sessions, videos, or touring to be flat-out messaging everyone. For another, subs are expected to approach Pro-Dommes, and not the other way around.
    If she really is as successful as she says she is, why would she waste her time looking for subs when she already has the acclaim to bring subs to her?
    Unless she is looking for something in specific within her lifestyle (for example, I’m active on kinky dating apps because I like having many cleaning slaves), do not expect an established Domme to ever be the first one to reach out to you asking you to pay her.
    Furthermore, if my primary advertising strategy was reaching out to every person who expresses a desire to be a slave in their dating profile, that wouldn’t be a very effective strategy, now would it? I could spend literal years messaging everybody who seemed to have a submissive itch in their bone and that still wouldn’t cover every single person. You work for me, not me working for you.
  3. Does “she” speak in syntax that doesn’t seem to be cohesive? For example, does she speak extremely formally in one email and then extremely casually in another? Is her grammar impeccable in one message but then she doesn’t punctuate at all in another?
    This is a classic tip-off that she is copy-pasting from other websites to take on the verbiage of their D/s.
    A helpful tip for this would be to say what she writes out loud. Does it sound like it’s all coming from the same person?
    If it doesn’t sound cohesive, try Googling the more formal-sounding things she says. Chances are that you’ll find she ripped it off someone else’s website.
  4. Does “she” have a legitimate website and social media presence? Pretty much all contemporary and active Pro-Dommes will have both since they are the industry standard. Check to see if her website is professional, and check to see how many followers her social media has. If she says she’s famous (for example, sends you videos of herself), she should have a fairly respectable social media following. Expect followers in the thousands and an active interaction on her Twitter or Instagram. On Twitter, expect her to be chatting with other legitimate Pro-Dommes.
    For social media, expect her to have activity that spans for as long as she says she has been active for.
  5. Are “her” pictures hi-res or are they pixelized? Pixelized pictures are a classic case of someone screencapping a legitimate Mistress’ profile to steal the photo. Why would someone screenshot their own photos when they should already have copies on their computer or phone?
  6. Have you reverse Google image searched “her” photos? You can also use reverse Bing image search for more adult photos. If the photos line up with who she says she is, go to her website and learn more about her to be sure that it’s the right person.
    If you don’t know what I am talking about, here are some helpful links from Google and Bing. The internet also has loads of wider-encompassing reverse image searches such as this one.
    Once you reverse image search her, it will be easy enough to see if the name she is presenting herself as is her actual name. If it’s a name that doesn’t line up with those photos, then you know she’s a fake. If it is a name that lines up with who she says she is, it should be easy enough to google her name and find her website.
    I CANNOT EMPHASIZE THIS TACTIC ENOUGH. Reverse image searching is your FRIEND. Do it on all of her images. Do it on everybody. (And on a less pedantic note, it’s fun to reverse image search people because sometimes you find more fun photos of them…)
  7. Is “her” name spelled correctly? Jesus christ. I can’t believe I have to say this one, but I have had messages from people who thought they were actually talking to me, but had my name entirely incorrect. My name is An Li, not Ann Li, not Jennifer, not Anli…
  8. Does “she” speak with poor grammar? Again, a friendly reminder here that Professional Domination is a business, and all good businesses will choose to speak with good grammar, spelling, and punctuation. (And especially if she’s asking money from you, expect her to be businesslike about it.)
    When you send an email to any other business, do you expect them to respond to you casually, with misspellings, glaring grammatical errors, and no punctuation whatsoever? No – you expect them to be professional and concise. Expect the same out of any Mistress who takes her own craft with respect.
    The only exception for this would be non-native English speakers, but if you’re reading this, you probably speak English fluently and are seeking an English-speaking Domme. And in any case, if she sounds like she’s not fluent in English, that probably entails that she doesn’t live in your English-speaking country…so why the hell would you think she would come all the way over from her country to dominate you?? Please refer to point #1 of this list.
  9. Does “she” ask you to use Western Union? COME ON! Always be wary of someone you don’t know who asks you to use Western Union. Craigslist literally has warnings about this on their site. “African princes” always ask for Western Union. Western Union is the standard for scammers.
    WU typically asks for the recipient’s full legal name, something of which most Pro-Dommes do not reveal to first-time subs.
    The same goes for Moneygram or wire transfers.
    (Please note that I have used Western Union for deposits a couple of times for sessions, however it is usually the last option after all other deposit options have been exhausted and eliminated.)
  10. Does “her” Western Union or Moneygram address line up with the city “she” is supposed to be in?
    Say that for some reason, this Mistress can only use these two options. (I have used these services on rare occasion.) Why would you send a deposit to someone in, say, Virginia, when she lives in LA? If she says she’s on tour in that city, does her website and social media tour schedule line up with that?
    I’m going to say that 99 times out of 100, the Mistress you are supposedly talking to does not have an assistant in a city outside of hers to receive your deposit, either. If she has done so much work to reach out to you and get your money, why would she hire an assistant  to receive the money?? She’s obviously working so hard for that deposit that she probably wouldn’t have the money to hire an assistant, anyway…
  11. Is “she” chatting with you for free? Because LOL, Pro-Dommes typically do not chat with subs for free unless they are looking for someone for their lifestyle interests, have some commonality with you like mutual friends, know you in real life, are responding to something genuinely useful that you have notified them of, or are chastising you for being an annoying online sub.
    Paying a deposit for a session afterwards does not count as paying for a chat. It means you are paying for that session following the chat. When I say chatting, I mean dirty talk like calling you her slave, telling you what she’ll do to you, and overall giving you a boner via words and pictures without you initially respectfully asking to pay her for her time.
    The reason why established Pro-Dommes do not chat for free is because we are constantly inundated by men who want our attention and want to know “what we’ll do to them”. Remember, our time is money. Why would we throw free dirty talk at every horny fuck that comes our way? If I did that, I would not have enough time to play for myself or lead a normal life. Furthermore, dirty talk is free play. Yes, dirty talking is play – and the likelihood is extremely high that you, a complete total internet stranger, are not special enough for the privilege of that free play.
    I personally keep all my initial correspondences with new subs as to-the-point as possible. You would let me know your interests, and I would let you know if we were compatible, quickly followed by session details. Any messages I send are for setting up the terms of the actual playdate, and anything else that may be more than that would be held via my tributed call and text message lines.
    I know it is difficult, but don’t let your erection give you the benefit of the doubt. A restaurant isn’t going to comp your appetizer just because they like you, nor will a Pro-Domme chat with you for free.
    I specifically say “established” when talking about this point because I have personally made the mistake of chatting with people as a very green novice. I quickly learned that my time was money and that I didn’t have enough time to seduce every random stranger on the internet that wanted my attention.
  12. Does “she” have a social media account that is not the same as “her” primary one? This is assuming that you know her primary account. Email or message the primary account confirming if that other account is her. More times than not, it is not her.
    Some women have back-up accounts (like me) or private accounts just for paying viewers. A primary account will usually link to said accounts to validate their legitimacy.

 

And that’s pretty much it! If anybody has any feedback on this list, I would love to hear it (from both Pro and prospective sub sides). Please note that this list may not account for every legitimate Domme in the world. I’ve tried to make it as lenient as possible, but of course, some people do things differently than me. If so, it is on you, the paying sub, to do further research to legitimize that person. I would suggest doing a quick phone call or Skype session to see if they are real. Yes, you would still be putting some money down, but it would be significantly less than the $600 (or whatever amount) they are asking for.

As a general whole, I would highly hazard against paying someone who has a minimal internet footprint as that is usually a tip-off for someone being illegitimate. A legitimate Pro-Domme spends time on her online advertising and should be easily found. (Older Dommes who have a longtime following are an exception to the online advertising rule…however, an older Domme probably wouldn’t be reaching out to you in the first place because she already has her stable of slaves.)

Finally, a lot of Dommes do reach out to slaves on social media – but typically not to fish them as clients. I am on nearly every single kinky dating app and have personally reached out to people, but only because their profile genuinely struck me in a special sort of way (human furniture boy in San Francisco, I’m looking at you!). I’ve also met and dated many subs on dating apps, but since they are in my personal life and not within a professional session, I do not ask for money. And if I have reached out to someone about an actual playtime (which is usually just a link to my session contact form), it is because they have already expressed interest in booking a session – so really, I’ve never been the one to initially reach out.

 


 

In any case, I’ve spent far too much time writing this and feel like I have personally exhausted this topic at large. I hope you’ve found this post helpful. Keep these key points in mind when chatting to someone who wants your money. And if you’ve read this and have still been had, then shame on you for letting your arousal get the best of you! You should know better by now.

 


 

Has this list turned you on because you have a rather unconventional fetish for admonishing lists? Trust me, darling, I can be far more punctilious in person. πŸ˜‰

Book your session now.

xoxo Never yours,
An Li
Blog

Europe Summer 2018: London, Amsterdam, Bruges

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Los Angeles Asian Dominatrix An Li with her slave in leather restraints bondage.Β Visiting Europe summer 2018!

Hello subbies, slaves, and sluts in Europe (and elsewhere)!

A little bit late updating on my end, but I’m quite excited about my upcoming Europe tour this summer! I’ll be visiting London, Amsterdam, and Bruges. Some of it is play, some of it is vacation, but I’m certain I’ll be having loads of fun.

I’m sure you’re eager to know when I’ll be in Europe, so here you go:
London: July 24th to July 27th
Amsterdam: July 30th to August 4th
Bruges: August 4th to August 7th

As some of you may recall, I visited London in 2016 for a whole month and had a blast! I shot with English Mansion, danced at Torture Garden, went to LAM, and made friends with all sorts of ministers in the community, from Pro-Dommes to lifestylers to everything else in between. I love London because the BDSM scene is particularly vibrant – where else can you find a four story church filled with fetish wares once a month? Outside of that, I adore London as a city. With all its parks, museums, and history, it’s the perfect balance of metropolitan life. I actually contemplated moving there after my last month there…Needless to say, I’m back and excited to do it all over again. This time, I will be attending Pedestal on July 26th, visiting the Tate Modern (contemporary art museums are my favorite) as well as the Wellcome collection, and of course hobnobbing with all the finest Pro-Dommes London has to offer. I’ll also be shooting with English Mansion yet again – I loved shooting with them last time, so fingers crossed the weather lets up for an equestrian scene of some sort!

After London, I will be taking some personal time off while I visit friends in Southwest England visiting beaches and hiking. While this is private time, I may be open to a cash meetup or two. Entice me.

Amsterdam will definitely be a bit more of a vacation after the whirlwind of London. I fully intend to immerse myself in more museums and will probably spend most of the time wandering the canals and relaxing. Of course, I will be taking a long visit to Demask headquarters! How could I not?

Finally, Bruges in Belgium will wind down the last bit of my trip. I’ve been told it’s a quieter city, which is perfectly fine by me as I am fully expecting to be exhausted by the end of my trip. I’ll be relaxing and enjoying the sights, maybe keeping a boy tied up in bondage in the hotel room while I do tourist things. πŸ˜‰

I’ve been itching to leave the country for a bit, and a good mix of BDSM and European sightseeing will be a great balance. And of course, I will be taking sessions in all of these cities. Dream of being tied up in immobilized bondage in my living room while I go on a shopping trip on your credit card? Itching for a hard caning that will leave your bum sore for weeks to come? Jerk off to the fantasy of my ass on your face? Want to be cuckolded and humiliated while I fuck a real man? Crave that early morning caviar that only a Mistress like me could offer? All of this and more could be you…

Of course, early bookings are always prioritized. The earlier, the better – once I’m packed, I’m packed, and I will not be able to accommodate specific outfit or gear requests outside what I am already bringing. I will not be taking same day bookingsΒ at all while I am in town. Deposits required.

My next trip to Europe is not confirmed, however expect me back by 2020.

Book your session now.

xoxo Never yours,
An Li