I was shooting whipping clips last week with one of my longterm whipping slaves, g. He’s known me for over five years now, and I’ve shot the majority of my corporal punishment videos with him. He comes to my personal home and I use him as a whipping boy to practice aiming and different techniques. Our usual routine is whipping practice or shooting clips and then going out to get smoothies and chatting afterwards (because aftercare or something). I’d like to think we have a good relationship. After all, I don’t invite many slaves into my personal home for no reason! The fact that he’s a tank with corporal punishment isn’t too shabby either. 😉
After our extremely brutal shoot (you bitches are going to cream your pants watching these, so keep a lookout for them), I asked him how I’ve changed in my years as a Pro-Domme. After all, he’s known me from right about the time that I started to now in the present day. He’s been consistently in my life more than 95% of my submissives.
He said to me, quite succinctly, “You’re a lot more approachable now.”
I laughed because I was 100% certain he was correct. Slaves aren’t usually correct, but this was an exception. 😉
I’ve been thinking about what it means to change as a Domme. And in particular, I’ve been thinking a lot about the Dunning-Kruger effect. (There’s a great This American Life about it. Check it out here.)
More colloquially, Dommes know this phenomenon as “Baby Domme Syndrome”.
When we start out as Dommes, the excitement of digging into this empowering, seedy underworld is overwhelming. That, on top of the fact that people are literally paying to worship us – well, it can lead to a bit of overconfidence. And while many Dommes do have the natural instinct towards domination, that doesn’t mean it’s refined or accurate yet. Let’s just call it more of a tendency than a true skill as of that point.
My first years as a Dominatrix were a headrush. I definitely got tipsy with power, and I definitely thought I was the All-Knowing Creator of FemDom. I wasn’t, of course. But man, how could I not believe I was the best Dominatrix in the world when people were calling me on NiteFlirt telling me that they had never seen anyone as Dominant as me, telling me that I was so much better than everybody else, telling me that they only wanted to be my slave and nobody else’s?
And with that ego, I developed a coldness. A perpetual sneer, you could call it. Slaves were slaves, and to be treated like such. Let none of these sniveling bitches in, and who even needs aftercare? Do slaves even deserve aftercare? Don’t talk to them, don’t even look in their direction unless you are making them cry. I am better than any other person in the world, and I’m most certainly better than a slave.
All of this is fun and true in the right scene, but highly unsustainable in life. It’s definitely unsustainable in my lifestyle! I’m happy to say that all of my slaves are also my friends. Sure, some of them are jackass, idiot friends, but you know how that goes…
Long story short, I was humbled many, many times throughout my beginning years. I still am humbled now! But whereas the humility was earth-shattering the first dozen of times, I now take it in stride as a learning experience. Everything is a learning experience.
While a couple of years ago, I would have been offended by someone describing me as approachable (in both work and life), I quite enjoy it now. I think it’s important to be able to let people into my life (with acceptable boundaries, of course). And in turn, having a connection with all my subs means our scenes can be so much more intense and meaningful. I like that. It truly feels like I am making a difference in someone’s life.
This is not to say that I don’t enjoy being a MegaBitch™. Quite the contrary – having a connection with my bottoms means that I can twist and use all their intimate bits even better! Whereas I once saw approachability as being weakness in a Domme, I now see it, in part, as a tool to manipulate my bitches even more. How ironic is that? Perhaps I should change my motto to “Vulnerability is the true path to Brutality”.
But more than that, I think about how I have progressed as a Mistress. I take everything a lot less seriously now. I have a lot more ease about what I do. If something (or someone) doesn’t go to plan, I have the resources to laugh about it now. I know that I know a decent amount, and I also know that I know not so much, so it’s a relief to not be held accountable for the entire compendium of BDSM knowledge. It leaves me open to more learning.
Just some thoughts today.
In other news, Eyes Wide Shut is tonight! Y’all know it’s my favorite play party, as I have espoused before. I’m excited to attend tonight. Tonight will be the usual round-up of babely Domme superstars, including Aiden Starr, Eden Winter, Jewell Marceau, Helena Locke, Sheri Darling, Skin Diamond, Porcelain Midnight, Bettie Bondage, Aine Patrick, as well as Katarina Fox and special guest Monday Jones visiting from Seattle!
Hope to see some of you there. Come say hi to me because I’m approachable now. 😉
Finally, for general scheduling updates, I’ll be out of town the following week from Thursday to Monday (August 22nd-26th). I’m going backpacking in the Grand Canyon!
Those of you who have tried to schedule with me on the weekend know how notoriously hard it is to do so. A Mistress needs days off, too. Expect me to be entirely off the grid during this period of time. Daddy loves her cyber-free vacations.
Last night was Eyes Wide Shut. It’s a Femdom play party I’ve been playing at for four years now, give or take. When I first went independent, one of the first things I did was reach out to the hosts to ask to attend. I had my eyes on the party ever since I started ProDomming and was pretty eager to join it because of the all-star roster. I’ve been going consistently ever since. I think I’ve only missed out on two parties in the past four years.
I’ve loved the event ever since the first time I attended it. Something about the energy of all the women who attend, the familiarity with the regulars, the novices who are down to try so much – it’s always a lot of fun! Each EWS is like a party with old friends and new friends. And social element aside, I really get a lot out of watching Pro-Dommes play. The work that we do can be incredibly isolating, and it’s easy to get stuck in a rut between sessions. When I watch others revel in their Femdom craft, I pick up new tricks or get inspired to try something a little bit differently. Voyeurism for the sake of science can be mentally refreshing. (Voyeurism for the sake of voyeurism is also fun, too…)
Here are a couple of highlights from last night:
I touched Eden Winter’s boobs. They felt as good as they looked. In fact, I’m reliving that experience in my mind as I type this. (Are you pervs jealous yet?)
I met the most INSANE ballbusting bottom ever. This man had some zen-like control over his impulses, because we had a completely normal conversation while I was repeatedly kicking and kneeing him in the balls. He didn’t even pause to groan or take a breather. Just an entirely normal conversation! It was nuts! I really wished I brought my boots because the tops of my feet were getting sore from kicking him so much. You’d almost think that I was the bottom in the scene given how much my feet hurt and how little he reacted each time I kicked him… In any case, I am definitely going to try to shoot with him at some point! Ballbusting videos are my jam.
I ran into one of my former domestic slaves! I don’t have many personal slaves, but most of the ones I have fall under the cleaner/domestic category. This one was a good boy and I had high hopes for him. Things with him did not work out largely due to scheduling constraints, but I had encouraged him to go out and keep on pursuing the D/s lifestyle. I really did believe that something would click for him since he was so eager to please and genuinely submissive. Turns out he recently got collared by one of the attending Mistresses there! What a lucky boy. Dreams do come true. I’m really quite happy for him. I guess I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic when it comes to BDSM. He did fuck up his eye aversions at the very last minute, so I guess some things never change…
I used slave d as a human ashtray outside. I love outdoors play! Bettie Bondage was laughing because each time I spit at him, he dove his eager mouth for it like a frog catching a fly, ha!
Overall, a pretty swell night. Most nights at Eyes Wide Shut usually are.
The Ladies in attendance last night were Eden Winter, Skin Diamond, Jewell Marceau, Porcelain Midnight, Bettie Bondage, Aine Patrick, and Hannah Hunt.
Before I begin: a heartfelt thank you to everybody I played with in DC and NYC this year. I am absolutely exhausted and spent, but every minute was worth it. I had some incredible sessions that will remain very near and dear to My heart for a long time. Expect Me back in early fall of this year…
And for My grand return to Los Angeles, a whirlwind of events are upon us!
Tomorrow (Friday, May 13th), I will be attending Deviants Ball 2016. With so many glamorous Friends attending and a night of decadence promised, how could I say no? Drop by and buy Me a drink if you dare.
The following week, from May 18th to 22nd, I will be attending the annual DomCon Los Angeles as a Special Guest for the third year in a row. I genuinely look forward to DomCon each year because it’s such an incredible way of meeting Pro-Dommes from all over. Where else (apart from DomCon Atlanta) can you find such a group of powerful kinky Women all in one place? And of course, it’s a lovely way of finally touching base with Mistresses outside of Twitter or texts. While the internet is convenient, there’s nothing like a good ol’ fashioned physical hangout. I will be shooting and sessioning in between classes, parties, and awards shows, so feel free to get in touch with Me during this time. And of course, don’t be shy – come up and say hello if you see Me!
On Saturday, May 28th, I will be performing onstage at Bar Sinister for the monthly Femme Domme Fatale, presented by Mistress Bella Bathory. I had a blast at last time’s performance and administered many a wicked beating, and am back at it again to discipline the masses! I will be performing alongside My good friend, Mistress Bettie Bondage, as well as Asia Adore, Celestial Seraphim, Lady Lingerie, Mistress Kara, and Pele.
And finally, LONDON. One whole month in London town, taking sessions from June 15th to July 15th, summer 2016. No rest for the wicked, and you can be sure that I will be wicked. Soak it in, subbies, soak it in.
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