I was shooting whipping clips last week with one of my longterm whipping slaves, g. He’s known me for over five years now, and I’ve shot the majority of my corporal punishment videos with him. He comes to my personal home and I use him as a whipping boy to practice aiming and different techniques. Our usual routine is whipping practice or shooting clips and then going out to get smoothies and chatting afterwards (because aftercare or something). I’d like to think we have a good relationship. After all, I don’t invite many slaves into my personal home for no reason! The fact that he’s a tank with corporal punishment isn’t too shabby either. 😉
After our extremely brutal shoot (you bitches are going to cream your pants watching these, so keep a lookout for them), I asked him how I’ve changed in my years as a Pro-Domme. After all, he’s known me from right about the time that I started to now in the present day. He’s been consistently in my life more than 95% of my submissives.
He said to me, quite succinctly, “You’re a lot more approachable now.”
I laughed because I was 100% certain he was correct. Slaves aren’t usually correct, but this was an exception. 😉
I’ve been thinking about what it means to change as a Domme. And in particular, I’ve been thinking a lot about the Dunning-Kruger effect. (There’s a great This American Life about it. Check it out here.)
More colloquially, Dommes know this phenomenon as “Baby Domme Syndrome”.
When we start out as Dommes, the excitement of digging into this empowering, seedy underworld is overwhelming. That, on top of the fact that people are literally paying to worship us – well, it can lead to a bit of overconfidence. And while many Dommes do have the natural instinct towards domination, that doesn’t mean it’s refined or accurate yet. Let’s just call it more of a tendency than a true skill as of that point.
My first years as a Dominatrix were a headrush. I definitely got tipsy with power, and I definitely thought I was the All-Knowing Creator of FemDom. I wasn’t, of course. But man, how could I not believe I was the best Dominatrix in the world when people were calling me on NiteFlirt telling me that they had never seen anyone as Dominant as me, telling me that I was so much better than everybody else, telling me that they only wanted to be my slave and nobody else’s?
And with that ego, I developed a coldness. A perpetual sneer, you could call it. Slaves were slaves, and to be treated like such. Let none of these sniveling bitches in, and who even needs aftercare? Do slaves even deserve aftercare? Don’t talk to them, don’t even look in their direction unless you are making them cry. I am better than any other person in the world, and I’m most certainly better than a slave.
All of this is fun and true in the right scene, but highly unsustainable in life. It’s definitely unsustainable in my lifestyle! I’m happy to say that all of my slaves are also my friends. Sure, some of them are jackass, idiot friends, but you know how that goes…
Long story short, I was humbled many, many times throughout my beginning years. I still am humbled now! But whereas the humility was earth-shattering the first dozen of times, I now take it in stride as a learning experience. Everything is a learning experience.
While a couple of years ago, I would have been offended by someone describing me as approachable (in both work and life), I quite enjoy it now. I think it’s important to be able to let people into my life (with acceptable boundaries, of course). And in turn, having a connection with all my subs means our scenes can be so much more intense and meaningful. I like that. It truly feels like I am making a difference in someone’s life.
This is not to say that I don’t enjoy being a MegaBitch™. Quite the contrary – having a connection with my bottoms means that I can twist and use all their intimate bits even better! Whereas I once saw approachability as being weakness in a Domme, I now see it, in part, as a tool to manipulate my bitches even more. How ironic is that? Perhaps I should change my motto to “Vulnerability is the true path to Brutality”.
But more than that, I think about how I have progressed as a Mistress. I take everything a lot less seriously now. I have a lot more ease about what I do. If something (or someone) doesn’t go to plan, I have the resources to laugh about it now. I know that I know a decent amount, and I also know that I know not so much, so it’s a relief to not be held accountable for the entire compendium of BDSM knowledge. It leaves me open to more learning.
Just some thoughts today.
In other news, Eyes Wide Shut is tonight! Y’all know it’s my favorite play party, as I have espoused before. I’m excited to attend tonight. Tonight will be the usual round-up of babely Domme superstars, including Aiden Starr, Eden Winter, Jewell Marceau, Helena Locke, Sheri Darling, Skin Diamond, Porcelain Midnight, Bettie Bondage, Aine Patrick, as well as Katarina Fox and special guest Monday Jones visiting from Seattle!
Hope to see some of you there. Come say hi to me because I’m approachable now. 😉
Finally, for general scheduling updates, I’ll be out of town the following week from Thursday to Monday (August 22nd-26th). I’m going backpacking in the Grand Canyon!
Those of you who have tried to schedule with me on the weekend know how notoriously hard it is to do so. A Mistress needs days off, too. Expect me to be entirely off the grid during this period of time. Daddy loves her cyber-free vacations.
BDSM keeps a Mistress busy! Lots of thoughts and updates today.
First thing’s first, let’s get travel out of the way. I will be traveling a little bit south in the coming month, and then back up north, and finally, southeast in the fall. Because of my rather hectic personal schedule this fall, I do not have time for my usual East Coast fall tour. *sad trumpet* That is, unless you’d like to generously sponsor my travel to your city. 😉
And as usual, remember that I can fly to you damn near anywhere in the world provided that my flights and lodgings are generously provided for! Ya gurl loves business and first class.
San Diego! This will be my first time playing in you. I know many of you drive up from San Diego to come see me in LA, and I thank you for that journey. And now for one day only, I am coming to you. I will be holding sessions up until 6PM at Porcelain Midnight’s Midnight Manor. I’ve played with Porcelain many times at Eyes Wide Shut and am looking forward to seeing and using her space! I’m such a lookie-loo when it comes to other people’s BDSM studios. I love seeing how they set up everything, what sorts of toys and equipment they choose to have, their cleaning and confirmation protocol – all of it! Everybody does it so differently that it’s fascinating to see how one person has streamlined a process or what another person uses the most.
Because I will be in San Diego largely for pleasure (Del Mar horse races, here I come!), I will be traveling light. Any specific equipment requests must be vetted in advance to see if I can accommodate it or if it is available at Midnight Manor. I will consider larger equipment requests for longer sessions (3h+).
San Francisco/Oakland/Bay Area, October 27th to November 1st.
I used to go to the Bay more often in the past, but that seems to have slipped in the recent years. Well guess what, bitches? I’m back again! And this time, for almost a whole week. You have me for a whole SIX DAYS! How lucky are you?
The Bay Area is my childhood home and I love being back. But most of all, I love all of you slaves that come out to see me! As many of you know, I play in multiple BDSM studios in the Bay. Most notably, La Maison de la Maitresse in SF and Black Thorn in Oakland are the ones that I frequent the most. I may be trying out a new studio in the city this time around, schedule permitting.
And hopefully, I’ll get to sneak in a video shoot or two. I’ve been itching to shoot with Elyse Graves of Bondage Therapy and if the stars align…
As this is my hometown, I’m prepared to travel full of (airplane-friendly) gear. Give me your equipment requests ahead of time so I can pack it all in!
Florida, Order of Indomitus, November 8th to 10th, and possibly Delray Beach November 12th to 15th!
I know a lot of you guys have seen the buzz about OOI on Twitter or Instagram. A bunch of hot, kinky Femdommes abusing men in the Florida outdoors. Whipping, pony riding, poolside pampering… you guys should take a look at the OnlyFans for a sneak peek at some of the Femdom shenanigans.
I cannot overstate how EXCITED I am for the event. In fact, consider everything I say about this to be an understatement. A Female Domination weekend on a secluded Florida estate. Three days of true slavery and submission. A full weekend of slave suffering and Femdom pampering. Outdoors BDSM (such a rarity)! And of course, let’s not forget that humidity. My hair and skin are going to look perfect in the wet Florida air. 😉
Headmistress and event host Michelle Lacy was kind enough to give me a very thorough briefing on the events to happen at OOI, and let’s just say that all the participants are in for quite a treat. I literally squealed when I read over all the activities that are scheduled to happen. And no, you can’t have any details. It’s a secret. Guess you’ll just have to attend. 😉
You can apply here, and be sure to say that I sent you. But you better do it fast, because it is guaranteed to sell out before the event date.
I may be staying for the week afterwards to decompress and take a couple of sessions in Delray Beach in South Florida at Michelle Lacy’s studio. I do not have these dates solidified yet, so check in regularly to see if I have them booked (realistically, I will solidify this by next weekend). If so, you can expect some session availability from the 12th to 15th. And as always, I can’t wait to see Michelle’s playspace! She posts wonderful pictures on Twitter, and I would love to see it in person. Maybe double or triple sessions are in the cards…
This will be my first time in Florida in TWENTY years. Let’s make it a good one.
And that’s it for travel updates! Whew. Now onto the kinky stuff.
I’ve been so, so lucky to have the privilege of playing with so many women this year. In the past, all of my female sessions have come in the form of couples playtimes. And don’t get me wrong, I love watching the exchange of energy and intimacy that can only be from a personal relationship, and I love the exhibitionism of playing with a woman while her partner is watching. But specifically, there is something about playing with a woman one-on-one that is inexplicably erotic.
This past week, I have had !two! long playtimes with ladies. The first was a young college student who had played in her lifestyle, but craved a professional experience. The second was a woman whom I was her first and second BDSM experience. Both women wanted to explore and try a little bit of everything, which I love doing. Taking someone’s hand and showing them all the ways BDSM can delight the senses is so wonderful. I truly feel honored that these two women chose me for their first professional experiences. I was walking on cloud nine all week.
Here’s a little sneak peek at the BDSM naughtiness that happened. 😉
So why is it that I love playing with women? Women, in my experience, are so much more reactive when you play with them. When you touch them, feel them up, whip them. It makes my job so much easier and so much sexier. I can read exactly what’s going on in their body and what they’re feeling. I feel a sense of intimacy that could only come from knowing her body because I have that same body, feeling a kinship for her because we share a culture, and then dominating the fuck out of her because I’m inside her mind. It’s hot, to say the least.
And of course, let’s not forget boobs, pussy, and ass. It’s more territory for me to play with! Most of you slaves don’t have breasts that I can tie up in a variety of ways, so until that happens, you will never present the same delicious challenges that playing with women does. (And yes, this does mean I did some delectable breast bondage last week. Unff. Hot.)
And what does this mean for everybody else? Take a page out of their books! If you want to have a good session, you need to learn how to emote. Expressing yourself in voice and body is how any good Dominatrix reads you and decides what to do next. Don’t be afraid of showing your emotion. We love it. Don’t try to steel yourself up to any feelings. You’re supposed to feel! This is kink, this is sex (of a type) – you should feel everything. BDSM is meant to be experienced in full.
We want to know that you’re experiencing it fully and presently. It gives us satisfaction in knowing that the actions we cause have an effect on you. It tells us that what we’re doing is working, and to do it more. Or maybe, that what we’re doing isn’t working, and to do it less. After all, if you don’t emote at all, it’s about the equivalent of playing with a pet rock. And no shade to anyone who loves their pet rock, but I personally do not glean any joy out of beating a rock.
Kinktra in the Raw
I did an interview last month with Jane Jett (Dominatrix) and Erinn Acuna (healthy food advocate and food slut). You can listen to it here. I mostly talk about scat play in it, lol.
I had a fun time recording it. On the one hand, Jane Jett’s knowledge of BDSM was impressive and venerable. On the other hand, Erinn Acuna was just as anal retentive as me. It made for a fun, easygoing balance while we shot the shit (lol) and chatted about kink. Let me know what you think! xx
$$$ Clips4Sale $$$
Clips4Sale is running a promotion all of July! I get a larger percentage of your purchases, which obviously means more money in my pocket. And you want me to have more money in my pocket, right? Because more money in my pocket means more toys, more time, and more Happy Mistress™. The catch is that for all your purchases this month, you need to use this specific link to make your purchases with. The prices for my videos are still exactly the same, I just get a little bit more money. Which is good for you and good for me.
And if you haven’t seen my videos yet, what are you doing with your life? No seriously, what the fuck are you doing with your life??? Head on over to my video stores and gobble all those videos up like the horny jerkaholic you are. You won’t regret it, I promise.
Pro-Domme hot tip: videos are a great way of seeing the skills a Domme is capable of and the equipment she may have on hand. While videos are not reality (read: I won’t give you a hand job, pervert), they are a pretty accurate way of assessing what she may be like in session. For anybody who’s nervous about trying a new ProDomme out, take a look at her clips stores (if she has any) to get a glimpse of her BDSM capabilities. Take a look at all her videos and see what sorts of activities she might lean towards. It is a tremendously helpful way of getting to know a Domina before meeting her.
Of course, any good sub researching a new Mistress should take a look at everything she uses to represent herself, from her website to her social media to her forum posts to anything else. Videos are only one factor of the equation.
A huge thank you to all the presents from this past month! Goodies include leather pillows for extended bondage, finger restraints, leather dress, travel yoga mat, herbivore botanicals skincare, fluidproof sheets, and leather booties. I love it all! Thank you thank you thank you pic.twitter.com/jIyga55sX8
— Daddy An Li 🤸♀️ SD 8/4 + SF/OAK 10/27-11/1 (@Daddy_AnLi) July 17, 2019
Remember, it feels good to give to your Goddess. It always feels good.
That’s it for now. Whew! Was that a lot? Because that felt like a lot on my end. Either way, if you have made it through this post, congratulations, you studious bitch. And if this has piqued your interest, and you want to play with me one-on-one, you know exactly where to find me.
PS: Hot photo at the top by The English Mansion in the UK. Because bondage, duh 💕
Last night was Eyes Wide Shut. It’s a Femdom play party I’ve been playing at for four years now, give or take. When I first went independent, one of the first things I did was reach out to the hosts to ask to attend. I had my eyes on the party ever since I started ProDomming and was pretty eager to join it because of the all-star roster. I’ve been going consistently ever since. I think I’ve only missed out on two parties in the past four years.
I’ve loved the event ever since the first time I attended it. Something about the energy of all the women who attend, the familiarity with the regulars, the novices who are down to try so much – it’s always a lot of fun! Each EWS is like a party with old friends and new friends. And social element aside, I really get a lot out of watching Pro-Dommes play. The work that we do can be incredibly isolating, and it’s easy to get stuck in a rut between sessions. When I watch others revel in their Femdom craft, I pick up new tricks or get inspired to try something a little bit differently. Voyeurism for the sake of science can be mentally refreshing. (Voyeurism for the sake of voyeurism is also fun, too…)
Here are a couple of highlights from last night:
I touched Eden Winter’s boobs. They felt as good as they looked. In fact, I’m reliving that experience in my mind as I type this. (Are you pervs jealous yet?)
I met the most INSANE ballbusting bottom ever. This man had some zen-like control over his impulses, because we had a completely normal conversation while I was repeatedly kicking and kneeing him in the balls. He didn’t even pause to groan or take a breather. Just an entirely normal conversation! It was nuts! I really wished I brought my boots because the tops of my feet were getting sore from kicking him so much. You’d almost think that I was the bottom in the scene given how much my feet hurt and how little he reacted each time I kicked him… In any case, I am definitely going to try to shoot with him at some point! Ballbusting videos are my jam.
I ran into one of my former domestic slaves! I don’t have many personal slaves, but most of the ones I have fall under the cleaner/domestic category. This one was a good boy and I had high hopes for him. Things with him did not work out largely due to scheduling constraints, but I had encouraged him to go out and keep on pursuing the D/s lifestyle. I really did believe that something would click for him since he was so eager to please and genuinely submissive. Turns out he recently got collared by one of the attending Mistresses there! What a lucky boy. Dreams do come true. I’m really quite happy for him. I guess I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic when it comes to BDSM. He did fuck up his eye aversions at the very last minute, so I guess some things never change…
I used slave d as a human ashtray outside. I love outdoors play! Bettie Bondage was laughing because each time I spit at him, he dove his eager mouth for it like a frog catching a fly, ha!
Overall, a pretty swell night. Most nights at Eyes Wide Shut usually are.
The Ladies in attendance last night were Eden Winter, Skin Diamond, Jewell Marceau, Porcelain Midnight, Bettie Bondage, Aine Patrick, and Hannah Hunt.
Before I begin: a heartfelt thank you to everybody I played with in DC and NYC this year. I am absolutely exhausted and spent, but every minute was worth it. I had some incredible sessions that will remain very near and dear to My heart for a long time. Expect Me back in early fall of this year…
And for My grand return to Los Angeles, a whirlwind of events are upon us!
Tomorrow (Friday, May 13th), I will be attending Deviants Ball 2016. With so many glamorous Friends attending and a night of decadence promised, how could I say no? Drop by and buy Me a drink if you dare.
The following week, from May 18th to 22nd, I will be attending the annual DomCon Los Angeles as a Special Guest for the third year in a row. I genuinely look forward to DomCon each year because it’s such an incredible way of meeting Pro-Dommes from all over. Where else (apart from DomCon Atlanta) can you find such a group of powerful kinky Women all in one place? And of course, it’s a lovely way of finally touching base with Mistresses outside of Twitter or texts. While the internet is convenient, there’s nothing like a good ol’ fashioned physical hangout. I will be shooting and sessioning in between classes, parties, and awards shows, so feel free to get in touch with Me during this time. And of course, don’t be shy – come up and say hello if you see Me!
On Saturday, May 28th, I will be performing onstage at Bar Sinister for the monthly Femme Domme Fatale, presented by Mistress Bella Bathory. I had a blast at last time’s performance and administered many a wicked beating, and am back at it again to discipline the masses! I will be performing alongside My good friend, Mistress Bettie Bondage, as well as Asia Adore, Celestial Seraphim, Lady Lingerie, Mistress Kara, and Pele.
And finally, LONDON. One whole month in London town, taking sessions from June 15th to July 15th, summer 2016. No rest for the wicked, and you can be sure that I will be wicked. Soak it in, subbies, soak it in.
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